Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The louder you make a women moan increases your chances of having a sandwich.

   I see you stopped taking your meds. Can I please have them?

   All I want is to see you smile. That and maybe a pizza.

   You lost me at 'you should'.

   Of all the advice given to me over the years, "There really is no bad time for a beer" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.

   I wonder if Ralph Wilson's funeral will be blacked out?

   Being married means you never hav--- WOULD YOU QUIT CHEWING SO GODDAMN LOUD?

   I got the moves like Jagger, and the medical bills to prove it.

   BREAKING NEWS: Vladimir Putin moves two Boy Scout Troops to the Russian/Polish boarder. France surrendered

   It's hard to be your prince charming when you'd rather just fool around with all 12 of the dwarves.

   If it's fat, drunk, and slow, it must be Chicago

   "I'd like to apologize now for not liking your posts that I" stole as an update or ..

   I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor

   Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should haved died in 1732.

   Change your wifi password to blowmefirst, then wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.

   Creationism vs. Darwinism: I love science, yet until they can settle the age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"....I'm siding with Creationism.

   I'm sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can't I do the same for Easter!!!??

   ~ Creationisn: Because it's easier to read and believe one book than read several ones based on scientific fact.

   No thanks, bodybuilder chicks with clits that look like a baby's pen*s

   So apparently your girlfriend isn't supposed to have an Adams apple. Guess that's why she only wanted an@l.