Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I really jacked-up my back today playing golf today, I fell off the ball washing machine

   Her phone display is brighter than her future.

   I asked her to take me somewhere I have never been before and she took me to church. :(

   Getting drunk on a week night is kinda like bangin' a fat chick; no matter how much you enjoy it now, you'll regret it in the morning.

   There's no crying in Vodka

   Tip of the day: Don't piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.

   85% of men don't understand Women & the balance 15% suffer from short-term memory loss!

   Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can't dance.

   I've just invented a new word: "plagiarism".

   "Quick! Hold this foreskin! No time to explain!" - Religion

   "A group of West Virginians who can't shower, brush their teeth or feed their babies? A&E, you got your next hit!"

   I'm not a stalker; but you should wipe from front to back.

   Colorado has the best Chicken Pot Pie.

   Given all the turmoil in the world, Syria, Iraq, and Afghanistan.................. And on and on. I don't like Miracle Whip. I just want good old Duke's Mayonnaise.

   Your tongue is the best alarm clock.

   I used to have an attitude problem. I broke up with her about a year ago.

   Girl stop spilling your crazy all over me!

   Give a man a fish and he'll ask you why you are trying to buy a box of donuts with a fish.

   Girls are unique,,, they want you to know how they feel but they don't want to tell you

   Obama said he wouldn't let his son play football bc he fears it would cause dementia. Someone should tell Obama that he doesn't have a son.