Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You think you know someone and then one day you visit them and find out they put bread in their fridge :(

   The more complicated the coffee order the more complicated the person.

   My liver is so black it goes to church on Sunday for 6 hours.

   People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening" Did Simon and Garfunkel predict the internet??

   "Kim you're a pretty bride and all, but Beyonce would look better... " (The fear of hearing this is why Beyonce just turned down Kim Kardashian's request that she'd be one of the bridesmaids)

   Apparently “bae” means “before anyone else.” I always thought it was an extremely ghetto word for “babe”...

   Miley Cyrus is already 41 in trailer park years

   One of the bigger mistake men make is thinking they have to understand what they're apologizing for.

   I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

   I'm pro-choice on every social issue...Simply because it is none of my business how others choose to live their lives. We're only responsible on decisions we make.

   Gonna steal a bus and get these kids back to school if it's the LAST thing I do!!!

   I haven't given up hope yet. I still have a Powerball ticket at home that I haven't checked.

   You say its none of your business how someone chose to live their life hey? So its cool with you if I just decide to walk around without pants in public?

   If the lion wasn't a coward and the Scarecrow had a brain, they would have warned the Tinman that he was better off without a heart.

   I hope your favorite football team wins so that it changes your life in no way whatsoever.

   In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.

   I was talking to this girl and she said she was looking for a nice guy,i guess all the a**holes are taken

   I can make your day better just by not being part of it

   I have no time for stupid people But they sure do have time for me.

   I'm taking my girl to a Psychologist/Gynecologist. Maybe he's the one who can finally help her understand why she's such a ¢unt.