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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X is Spongebob is Definetly Asian! he's Yellow! he knows Karate and he cant drive.
←Rate | 01-10-2012 03:29 by Seddy90 Comments (0)

X I'm no relationship scientist but I think men prefer girls who make their dck hard, not their life.
←Rate | 11-23-2012 14:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X is My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes...
←Rate | 12-11-2012 08:47 by JEBI Comments (0)

X says When my wife is sleeping I open her handbag, take out my balls, pat them & whisper "I know guys I miss you too" then put them back quietly.
←Rate | 01-09-2013 14:50 by Baddie Comments (1)

X You looked good until your 30 day trial of Adobe Photoshop expired
←Rate | 04-18-2011 04:24 Comments (0)

X is Banana peel. Coffee grains. Pizza crust. Beer bottles. Empty cans. Paper plates. Bill envelopes. Don't mind me everyone. I'm just talking trash...
←Rate | 08-03-2011 04:09 Comments (0)

X is The blue whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10 percent enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
←Rate | 10-11-2011 14:08 by Doc Noland Comments (0)

X Way to go Ferguson...Burning down the same grocery stores where you use your foodstamps to shop. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Real justice losers!. Real justice
←Rate | 11-25-2014 01:07 by totalpackage Comments (0)

X Manning Brady Manning Brady Manning Brady Manning Brady Manning Brady Manning Brady There, now you don't need to watch ESPN this week.
←Rate | 01-12-2014 21:55 Comments (0)

X says On a scale of 1 to Rihanna, how big is your forehead?
←Rate | 10-14-2011 05:38 Comments (0)

X I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems. I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 13:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X says I really hate it when someone calls my PHONE and says who is this, this is my phone, who are you?
←Rate | 09-04-2011 13:35 Comments (0)

X is went to a shrink today. she says I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other b*tch!
←Rate | 09-13-2011 22:31 by Brandie Comments (0)

X is What gets longer when pulled, fits between a women's boobs, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked hard?...A SEAT BELT
←Rate | 05-26-2011 16:16 by Steven Comments (0)

X is Ever heard yourself sing in the shower and wondered why the f$#! you havent released an album yet??..
←Rate | 06-01-2011 01:35 by chucktaylor Comments (0)

X is It's funny how people start paying attention to you when start giving them the silence treatment.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 08:39 Comments (0)

X If Gillette made toilet paper, we'd be up to 4 or 5 plys by now.
←Rate | 11-03-2011 23:33 Comments (0)

X I tripped over a bra last night, do you think it was a boobie trap?
←Rate | 02-29-2012 21:54 Comments (0)

X is Sometimes, we waste too much time to think about someone who doesn't even think about us for a second.
←Rate | 04-11-2012 21:47 by BEGO Comments (0)

X says Twilight did to vampires what Brokeback Mountain did to cowboys.
←Rate | 11-26-2011 13:00 by Czovczov Comments (0)

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