Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X is It's a new day - a chance to make new friends or piss off a whole new group of people. It could go either way.
X If you don't have a love in your life, don't worry. If you keep living a life with no regrets, either your love will come or someone will regret living their life without you.
X says Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
X I prefer to describe myself as "delightfully difficult". And it would be easier if you agreed.
X says Holy shi t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
X Thank god we don't send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
X is Dear those people who use their cellphones as a personal stereo in public, stop it. Sincerely, Everybody
X says I lay nude daily in my back yard just in case Google Earth decides to update.
X I tried slicing fruit mid-air with my samurai sword like a ninja, but the fruit just fell on the floor and the police tasered me in Wal Mart.
X Oh christ it's Olympic Soccer. If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take some of my single friends to the bar.
X Every time I get dressed I make sure I take a second to ask myself, "How will this look stepping out of a time machine?"
X says Everything this man said to me was a lie. Every.. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true.
X is China's "one-child per family" policy is being ended -- because not enough babies. Apparently it's so bad over there that some factories are actually hiring adults...
X says I just saw a kid wearing crocs. Wow if you hate your kid that much just put him up for adoption you don't have to make him suffer like that.
X Just wrote ‘You have no new messages' on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
X is wondering..if you shouldn't go grocery shopping while hungry does this mean that you shouldn't go to the liquor store sober?
X says It's a sad day when you watch National Geographic and realize oysters have a better sex life than you.
X says In group discussions, chicks with big boobs always seem to say the right things.
X My wife gave me an apple to eat for breakfast. So, this is what Adam felt like.
X I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!