Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
X says Some of these might actually be funny if you idiots could spell.
X says They let an Asian drive the plane?
X My mom is so bad at texting. She meant to say "I love you" and she accidentally sent "You're a huge disappointment"... lol parents can't text
X says My 6 year old asked me what it was like to be married so I ignored him for a week and then yelled at him for something he did when he was 3.
X says "Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
X says I have an actual date this weekend so if any of you are in love with me, you better say something or forever hold your peace.
X is It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them.
X says if you're 40+ and never married, just say you're divorced so people won't think there's something wrong with you...
X says If you posted that worthless legal disclaimer on your Facebook page, you might also want to post that you won't be signing autographs when you get off of work at 5 today.
X says If I had a d ick I'd definitely get it stuck in something it wasn't supposed to be in by the end of the first day.
X is Facebook is for Leaders.....Twitter is for Followers
X Saw that Poland just won the country's first gold metal.... they were so happy, they had it bronzed!
X is I have a USB drive on my keys so that if I'm ever dying in public I can hand it to a stranger and shout "Get this to the President before.."
X says Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
X never get into a fist fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose
X is instead of "lol", try "lsimhbiwfefmtalol"... laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud.
X What if they read a list of everything youve ever typed into Google before entering Heaven..
X It's Thursday, which is "Friday Eve" in Optimisian.
X says When I stop talking and just walk away, it doesn't mean you've won. It means I'm not wasting any more time on your stupid ass.