Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What I love most about my ex is that she is someone else's problem now.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 00:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 13:11 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol doesn't cause Hangovers...Waking up does...
←Rate | 05-19-2012 22:53 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not really such an "Easy-Bake" oven when you're trying to cook a pot roast. This is taking *forever*.
←Rate | 05-24-2012 14:21 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 10:12 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon heading out early to siphon gas from my neighbors......
←Rate | 02-23-2012 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook is like school. There's the cool kids, the intellectual rebels, and there's always a rumor going on.
←Rate | 02-23-2012 21:49 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend says she's going to leave me for being too impatient. I can't wait.
←Rate | 06-02-2012 20:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying to act happy when no money falls out of your bday card! :(
←Rate | 06-05-2012 16:03 by natedogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of yelling, I just say "Caps Lock" and then speak at a normal volume...
←Rate | 06-08-2012 12:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend.
←Rate | 06-09-2012 08:04 by gay jeffery Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 10:36 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone else remember the day when you found out your parents had other names besides mom and dad? How crazy was that?!
←Rate | 06-24-2012 15:15 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  

   messageicon Beepers and pay phones were so much easier.....
←Rate | 06-29-2012 22:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One women's "oh hell no that's gross" is another women's "oh please do that again".
←Rate | 06-30-2012 09:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Facebook persona did not sleep well last night.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 23:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't think I'm better than you. I never think about you.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 05:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey girl with 40,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the f$ck up.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 21:35 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon We need more propeller hats
←Rate | 07-04-2012 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you're getting older when you would rather ignore someone, so you don't have to go through the trouble of disposing their body...
←Rate | 07-06-2012 00:06 Comments (0)  

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