Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon There's no fool like an old fool. But some of you young fools are showing real promise.
←Rate | 08-05-2011 13:11 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Almost went to jail today, scared the crap out of me. Yeah, those monopoly games get pretty intense bro.
←Rate | 09-23-2011 15:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon when alcohol does its taxes it claims me as its dependant
←Rate | 10-12-2011 20:39 by jmigas Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll drink to that!! - Me, after anyone says anything.
←Rate | 10-13-2011 13:20 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon It makes me laugh when I see HOES arguing with other HOES about being a HOE
←Rate | 10-14-2011 09:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon with the current state of relationships these days, I think the Grim Reaper should take Cupid's spot...just seems more realistic to me....
←Rate | 02-03-2011 16:14 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  

   messageicon A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's...That's because she changes it more often.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 11:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon superbowl-- the only time I actually look forward to watchin commericals.. .
←Rate | 02-06-2011 09:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.
←Rate | 02-15-2011 18:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once I'd like a bride to walk down the aisle to "The Imperial March" in place of "Here Comes the Bride".
←Rate | 02-16-2011 18:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please don't tell my three year old his oversized black calculator isn't really an iPad. He'd be crushed to learn his dad lied to him.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if love was like volleyball... all you have to do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...
←Rate | 04-14-2011 16:47 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  

   messageicon Within 7 seconds of meeting a girl, I decide whether or not I will sleep with her. Convincing her the rest of the night is the tricky part.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 11:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you happen to see a bunny laying brown eggs, do not eat them. ITS NOT CHOCOLATE!!!! HAPPY EASTER!!!!
←Rate | 04-21-2011 21:07 by Average JOE Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only rabbit I want coming to my house is Jessica.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 09:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oops....Apparently throwing fireworks at people in McDonald's parking lot & yelling Happy Cinco De Mayo is frowned upon : (
←Rate | 05-05-2011 09:45 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if a brothel owner is considered a " whoreder "
←Rate | 08-18-2011 07:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.
←Rate | 08-18-2011 10:37 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon GUY IN MALL: "Would you like to improve your balance and try this balance bracelet?" ME: "No thank you. I have toes."
←Rate | 08-27-2011 13:46 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sure do feel a hell of alot more attractive at walmart than I do at the gym
←Rate | 08-30-2011 23:59 by @Kid_Eddi88 Comments (0)  

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