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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says In honor of Black History Month... I plan to leave my kids and quit my job.
←Rate | 02-08-2013 07:18 Comments (0)

X says I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumba$$!
←Rate | 03-30-2010 16:15 by Samir Momin Comments (0)

X says grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:18 Comments (0)

X is wondering if he can grow weed on farmville and sell it on mafia wars........Moscow....
←Rate | 10-20-2009 18:00 Comments (0)

X says There needs to be free birth control handed out at welfare offices...agreed??
←Rate | 01-04-2011 14:19 by Mandy Comments (0)

X Prank: Have 10 friends call the same phone # for a week & ask for Jim. Then call it yourself & say “this is Jim, do I have any messages?”
←Rate | 01-22-2011 21:06 Comments (0)

X is An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?" Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."
←Rate | 07-16-2011 09:01 Comments (0)

X would like to thank his liver for all the support, this weekend . . . Couldnt have done it without you, old friend !
←Rate | 10-12-2009 01:28 by Healey316 Comments (0)

X Girls: just remember each morning when you put on makeup, somewhere in the world a clown is starting his day doing exactly the same thing.
←Rate | 12-03-2010 03:21 Comments (0)

X I fell off the bed in the middle of it and she yelled "5 second rule" and kept doing it. I think I'm in love...
←Rate | 02-20-2012 20:11 Comments (0)

X is When I jerk off, I hold my pinky out, just in case if someone walks in, I look elegant doing it.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 11:48 Comments (0)

X is That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 21:36 by BEGO Comments (0)

X is Queen Latifah says she's a lesbian? I was as surprised as every one else that she was a chick.
←Rate | 05-08-2012 22:04 Comments (0)

X says I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.
←Rate | 01-22-2012 15:02 Comments (0)

X is Governments that try to control the internet are SOPAthetic
←Rate | 01-19-2012 23:54 by Canadian25 Comments (0)

X is Surprise sex is the best sex. Unless you're in prison.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 23:25 by BEGO Comments (0)

X says I FINALLY found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
←Rate | 02-28-2011 23:03 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict
←Rate | 08-12-2011 00:50 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)

X Here's how it works. You have $ex, then nine months later you give birth. Seven years later, you flood my newsfeed with countless pics of these little "geniuses" who, in reality, are average at best.
←Rate | 12-06-2012 19:11 by Boo Hiss! Comments (0)

X is People dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload it to instagram .
←Rate | 05-03-2013 21:26 by BEGO Comments (0)

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