Funny Status Messages | Status Message Generator | Recent Comments | Chuck Norris Sayings

Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
Oldest | Recent | Rating
Filter On | Filter Off
Search Messages:
Page: 900 of 4708

X is It's a new day - a chance to make new friends or piss off a whole new group of people. It could go either way.
←Rate | 03-13-2011 09:39 by Jen Briggs Comments (0)

X If you don't have a love in your life, don't worry. If you keep living a life with no regrets, either your love will come or someone will regret living their life without you.
←Rate | 03-13-2011 15:47 by ptv Comments (0)

X says Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
←Rate | 07-30-2013 04:03 by Indecorum Comments (0)

X I prefer to describe myself as "delightfully difficult". And it would be easier if you agreed.
←Rate | 10-05-2012 10:54 Comments (0)

X says Holy shi t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
←Rate | 10-14-2012 06:33 Comments (0)

X Thank god we don't send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:20 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)

X is Dear those people who use their cellphones as a personal stereo in public, stop it. Sincerely, Everybody
←Rate | 05-03-2013 21:11 by BEGO Comments (0)

X says I lay nude daily in my back yard just in case Google Earth decides to update.
←Rate | 05-19-2013 12:56 Comments (0)

X I tried slicing fruit mid-air with my samurai sword like a ninja, but the fruit just fell on the floor and the police tasered me in Wal Mart.
←Rate | 07-06-2013 15:49 by BigSarge Comments (0)

X Oh christ it's Olympic Soccer. If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take some of my single friends to the bar.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 03:42 by Vybe Comments (0)

X Every time I get dressed I make sure I take a second to ask myself, "How will this look stepping out of a time machine?"
←Rate | 08-24-2012 16:04 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says Everything this man said to me was a lie. Every.. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true.
←Rate | 11-02-2012 15:43 by Susan Comments (0)

X is China's "one-child per family" policy is being ended -- because not enough babies. Apparently it's so bad over there that some factories are actually hiring adults...
←Rate | 11-06-2012 12:09 by JEBI Comments (0)

X says I just saw a kid wearing crocs. Wow if you hate your kid that much just put him up for adoption you don't have to make him suffer like that.
←Rate | 11-12-2012 12:36 Comments (0)

X Just wrote ‘You have no new messages' on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
←Rate | 11-26-2012 13:23 Comments (0)

X is wondering..if you shouldn't go grocery shopping while hungry does this mean that you shouldn't go to the liquor store sober?
←Rate | 12-02-2012 00:34 Comments (0)

X says It's a sad day when you watch National Geographic and realize oysters have a better sex life than you.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 02:25 Comments (0)

X says In group discussions, chicks with big boobs always seem to say the right things.
←Rate | 03-03-2013 06:43 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X My wife gave me an apple to eat for breakfast. So, this is what Adam felt like.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 09:41 by JRF Comments (0)

X I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!
←Rate | 09-19-2010 08:06 Comments (0)

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left