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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X I hope Amanda Knox moves into the Jersey Shore house.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 13:53 by Tom Wolf Comments (0)

X It would be horrible if Facebook connected to Google and posted what you are searching for.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 19:05 by g0re Comments (0)

X Guys: When you're watching your friend play a single player game, you secretly hope they die.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 15:17 by g0re Comments (0)

X is "I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something." -Ron Swanson
←Rate | 10-16-2011 02:50 by Mrimpossible Comments (0)

X says Don't ever send me to the store for you if you expect to get your change back.
←Rate | 10-18-2011 04:23 Comments (0)

X says "be yourself" can be the worst advise you can give to some people
←Rate | 07-06-2010 13:09 Comments (0)

X You know you're ugly when you can't even get poked on facebook
←Rate | 07-19-2010 09:15 Comments (0)

X Before a Staring Contest I always blink a lot to get ready.
←Rate | 08-15-2010 12:23 Comments (0)

X I wouldn't call it a career, it's more of a soul-sucking paycheck making machine.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:28 by MBH Comments (0)

X I'm not pointing out your flaws, I'm pointing out my traits that are better than yours.
←Rate | 01-27-2011 11:55 Comments (0)

X MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice
←Rate | 04-22-2010 19:27 by Joser Comments (0)

X anyone else as shocked as I am that a relationship between a cage fighter named Tito and the world's most famous porn star ended with domestic assault and accusations of drug abuse?
←Rate | 04-27-2010 06:28 Comments (0)

X A man walked in to a bar and said, "I'll have a pint of less, please." "Less?" the barman replies, "what's that?" "I don't know either," the man said, "but my doctor told me to drink less."
←Rate | 04-29-2010 16:43 Comments (0)

X says it is never too late to be what you might have been.. :D
←Rate | 05-13-2010 16:45 by yobs Comments (0)

X is ... Wireless world. Defense technology. Alternative fuel vehicles. Computers. Lasers. Animal cloning. Fiber optics. DNA testing. Biometrics. But the dang scanners at Target never work. What's up with that?
←Rate | 05-18-2010 22:12 Comments (0)

X Tonite I feel like drinking until it looks like Jim Joyce made the right call.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 18:07 by Vito Comments (0)

X is Time for the daily stare contest between me and my TV
←Rate | 11-08-2010 09:48 Comments (0)

X is the awkward moment when an emo orders a happy meal at mcdonalds
←Rate | 11-11-2010 02:06 Comments (0)

X says A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers
←Rate | 11-11-2010 07:27 by kman Comments (0)

X TSA Pat Downs. Stealing the Mile High Club's thunder since 2010.
←Rate | 11-17-2010 09:56 by mps Comments (0)

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