Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I still think Richard Gere overpaid for Julia Roberts.
←Rate | 07-09-2016 05:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't know who George Soros is, or who Saul Alinsky was and what Cloward-Piven means, Do America a favor and either educate yourself or DO NOT Vote.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 18:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Legend says when you can't sleep it's because you are awake in someone else's dreams....when I find out who you are I'm going to punch you right in the face.
←Rate | 07-17-2016 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I now consider sitting in a quiet car as a good night out.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-12-2016 19:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey,, Has anyone tried giving ISIS a snickers bar?
←Rate | 08-21-2016 22:00 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll probably be sick of these orange sherbet pushups by the time I finish the 22 pushup challenge but, I am determined to finish it anyway.
←Rate | 09-08-2016 21:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon "According to the latest poll, 80 percent of the people polled are sick and tired of hearing about the latest polls."
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think your life can't get any worse, just could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.
←Rate | 10-28-2016 09:31 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother-in-law is a meteorologist. Well, not a meteorologist, but whatever it is called when you complain about the weather 6 times a day.
←Rate | 12-09-2011 13:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Only 12 more days till I get some tube socks, a slew of checkered polo shirts I'll never wear, and a box set of Aqua Velva I'll eventually use as paint thinner....Yay! :/
←Rate | 12-13-2011 01:45 by totalpackage Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing says 'I hope you choke on this and die' like the gift of a fruitcake
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder what happened and at what point a youngster decides, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a proctologist".
←Rate | 12-17-2011 11:58 by K-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon just found out that a "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Apparently, I'm not getting ready in a "jiffy" any more.
←Rate | 02-04-2012 10:39 by Maureen Comments (0)  

   messageicon To make a long story short...I walk away.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 08:05 by CindyAnn Comments (0)  

   messageicon don't put words in my foot is already in there.
←Rate | 02-11-2012 22:45 by Maureen Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Dr, told me you are what you eat. I need to eat a skinny person.
←Rate | 02-19-2012 13:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know someone's ugly when it's time for a group photo & they hand them the camera..
←Rate | 02-24-2012 11:17 Comments (0)  

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