Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says In honor of Black History Month... I plan to leave my kids and quit my job.
X says I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumba$$!
X says grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
X is wondering if he can grow weed on farmville and sell it on mafia wars........Moscow....
X says There needs to be free birth control handed out at welfare offices...agreed??
X Prank: Have 10 friends call the same phone # for a week & ask for Jim. Then call it yourself & say “this is Jim, do I have any messages?”
X is An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?" Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."
X would like to thank his liver for all the support, this weekend . . . Couldnt have done it without you, old friend !
X Girls: just remember each morning when you put on makeup, somewhere in the world a clown is starting his day doing exactly the same thing.
X I fell off the bed in the middle of it and she yelled "5 second rule" and kept doing it. I think I'm in love...
X is When I jerk off, I hold my pinky out, just in case if someone walks in, I look elegant doing it.
X is That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car.
X is Queen Latifah says she's a lesbian? I was as surprised as every one else that she was a chick.
X says I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.
X is Governments that try to control the internet are SOPAthetic
X is Surprise sex is the best sex. Unless you're in prison.
X says I FINALLY found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
X So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict
X Here's how it works. You have $ex, then nine months later you give birth. Seven years later, you flood my newsfeed with countless pics of these little "geniuses" who, in reality, are average at best.
X is People dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload it to instagram .