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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X If idle hands are the Devil's Playground than Facebook is a full blown amusement park.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 13:23 by Joser Comments (0)

X Some people rake leaves, others blow them. I prefer the flamethrower, it's fun for the whole neighborhood.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 13:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X is Tip this cab driver $5 he continued staring at me like I was going to give him more with his hand open, I took my $5 back, the tip is be grateful and stop being greedy
←Rate | 06-12-2010 11:17 by mhenry Comments (0)

X I only talk sh*t when I'm strategically located near bouncers.
←Rate | 06-23-2010 18:33 by Joser Comments (0)

X I think Taylor Swift's song "Shake It Off" is a great potty training tool for boys
←Rate | 09-24-2014 18:24 by Uncle Bubba Comments (0)

X says No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 13:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty.
←Rate | 11-10-2014 11:28 by huck Comments (0)

X says It's been three days since bono's luggage fell from his private jet and he "still hasn't found what he's looking for" Eh?
←Rate | 11-17-2014 23:37 by Cicci Comments (0)

X says Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.
←Rate | 12-17-2014 20:41 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X Got my wife some lovely perfume for Xmas, its called Tester.. Hope she likes it.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 13:57 by Jackoo Comments (0)

X If you use a Wal-Mart bathroom there's no need to wash your hands... You're going to die anyway.
←Rate | 04-22-2014 18:31 by snotty Comments (0)

X says If you figure me out I want an explanation.
←Rate | 06-19-2014 13:43 Comments (0)

X says If I had a dollar for every time someone called me gay I'd be able to afford front row tickets to the Cher concert.
←Rate | 07-01-2014 00:59 Comments (0)

X says Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
←Rate | 07-06-2014 01:59 Comments (0)

X says Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 12:56 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says I overheard an old dude at the bar tell the bartender not to put ice in his drink because 'you'll bruise the scotch' Changed my life.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 11:37 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says Nestle to recall Philly Steak and Cheese Hot Pockets because they may contain meat that was already recalled by the Department of Agraculture. Most surprisingly, however, is that Steak and Cheese Hot Pockets may actually contain meat.
←Rate | 02-19-2014 10:57 by Michael Comments (0)

X says Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
←Rate | 06-11-2012 11:43 Comments (0)

X surprisingly Going on a killing spree has a minimal impact on your credit score.
←Rate | 06-11-2012 13:35 by gay jeffery Comments (0)

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