Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 900 of 5664

   messageicon ■Unlike drugs, Facebook addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life
←Rate | 10-25-2010 08:41 by KLA Comments (0)  

   messageicon Genius - The ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullsh*t that all makes perfect sense
←Rate | 10-27-2010 22:46 by kobrah Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its all fun and games until the k9 unit shows up and tell you to pop open the trunk. I wish I was never born
←Rate | 11-02-2010 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon YOU'RE just another brick in the Facebook wall!
←Rate | 11-06-2010 07:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "You know you've been tagged in a photo on Facebook when there you've got more than 17 Notifications from people you don't know commenting on a photo of you.
←Rate | 11-06-2010 08:01 Comments (1)  

   messageicon There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.
←Rate | 11-11-2010 07:36 by kman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not a tease. I just sobered up thats all.
←Rate | 11-11-2010 16:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think I'm crazy now, try me either WITH alcohol or WITHOUT sedatives
←Rate | 11-21-2010 14:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon These leftovers are gonna taste great in 3 hours.
←Rate | 11-25-2010 12:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you can't learn from your mistakes try doing them again
←Rate | 11-29-2010 14:30 by adam c hill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most people don't act stupid – it's the real thing.
←Rate | 12-07-2010 12:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon making my list and checking it twice due to early on-set senility!
←Rate | 12-15-2010 09:30 by Maureen Comments (0)  

   messageicon woke up on the wrong side of someone else's bed this morning.
←Rate | 01-20-2011 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon McDonald's is like a one night stand. I crave it. It feels good going down. I completely regret it afterwards.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 12:25 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Come on. Let's all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
←Rate | 08-28-2010 07:43 by Bo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can we just make everything battery-related run on AA batteries?
←Rate | 09-13-2010 17:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Headed to Lowe's. After what I just did in the bathroom, it's best we just build another one.
←Rate | 10-09-2010 16:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forecast tonight: Dark
←Rate | 10-10-2010 23:09 by goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Haven't seen a Marilyn Monroe quote in a while. I hope she's okay.
←Rate | 11-27-2014 01:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
←Rate | 11-27-2014 01:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left