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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X I had a falling out with a co-worker when he found out I slept with his sister. We're cool now. He is even teaching me Spanish. Now I can order steak(Soy un idiota que tiene sexo con las vacas). Thanks Javier!!
←Rate | 11-08-2011 15:20 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)

X is wondering if unemployment will be sending me a christmas bonus?
←Rate | 12-13-2009 11:57 Comments (0)

X is I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
←Rate | 05-01-2010 19:54 by paulb808 Comments (0)

X writes "like this", and not "lyk dis", because she is an adult, and because she is not stupid
←Rate | 11-13-2010 09:00 by ci Comments (0)

X Girl says "Guys are like bras. They hook up behind your back.".... The best reply, "Girls are like condoms, they spend more time in your wallet then on your d!ck!"
←Rate | 03-31-2011 18:09 Comments (0)

X says I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
←Rate | 10-02-2011 11:12 Comments (0)

X is Some people were dropped as a baby, but then there's some that were clearly thrown at the wall
←Rate | 05-10-2011 20:17 by Brandy Comments (0)

X says In honor of Black History Month... I plan to leave my kids and quit my job.
←Rate | 02-08-2013 07:18 Comments (0)

X People act all surprised that there's a bacon shortage, as if they have never seen a single episode of Honey Boo Boo.
←Rate | 09-27-2012 04:12 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)

X is I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 14:12 by Xana Comments (0)

X I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 15:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X says The one thing you don't read about Helen Keller is how everybody blamed farts on her.
←Rate | 10-09-2011 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)

X is I'm going to open a store next to forever 21 and call it finally 22.
←Rate | 11-10-2011 11:16 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)

X Being broke has shortened my wife expectancy.
←Rate | 05-08-2012 13:09 Comments (0)

X Sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.
←Rate | 06-03-2012 14:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X What's the appropriate cutoff age for playing in an inflatable bouncy house? Please let me know ASAP as this will impact my weekend plans.
←Rate | 03-30-2012 10:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X is Just got "I <3 U" texted to me. Of course I also think one is less than three. Idiot.
←Rate | 12-28-2011 13:40 by fadolo Comments (0)

X Be careful who you call friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
←Rate | 01-28-2012 09:29 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)

X is You can only say WTF so many times in a day before you just start drinking!!!
←Rate | 06-26-2012 11:56 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)

X says You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk. . .
←Rate | 03-10-2014 19:57 by JAB Comments (0)

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