Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X I hope Amanda Knox moves into the Jersey Shore house.
X It would be horrible if Facebook connected to Google and posted what you are searching for.
X Guys: When you're watching your friend play a single player game, you secretly hope they die.
X is "I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something." -Ron Swanson
X says Don't ever send me to the store for you if you expect to get your change back.
X says "be yourself" can be the worst advise you can give to some people
X You know you're ugly when you can't even get poked on facebook
X Before a Staring Contest I always blink a lot to get ready.
X I wouldn't call it a career, it's more of a soul-sucking paycheck making machine.
X I'm not pointing out your flaws, I'm pointing out my traits that are better than yours.
X MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice
X anyone else as shocked as I am that a relationship between a cage fighter named Tito and the world's most famous porn star ended with domestic assault and accusations of drug abuse?
X A man walked in to a bar and said, "I'll have a pint of less, please." "Less?" the barman replies, "what's that?" "I don't know either," the man said, "but my doctor told me to drink less."
X says it is never too late to be what you might have been.. :D
X is ... Wireless world. Defense technology. Alternative fuel vehicles. Computers. Lasers. Animal cloning. Fiber optics. DNA testing. Biometrics. But the dang scanners at Target never work. What's up with that?
X Tonite I feel like drinking until it looks like Jim Joyce made the right call.
X is Time for the daily stare contest between me and my TV
X is the awkward moment when an emo orders a happy meal at mcdonalds
X says A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers
X TSA Pat Downs. Stealing the Mile High Club's thunder since 2010.