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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says The YMCA has officially shortened it's name to "The Y". You know times are tough when letters are even getting laid off.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 01:29 Comments (0)

X Turns out, when the officer asks why you're not wearing a seatbelt, pretending to have T-Rex arms is only hilarious to you.
←Rate | 08-01-2010 11:34 Comments (0)

X [This comment has been removed due to explicit sexual content]
←Rate | 08-20-2010 00:02 Comments (0)

X says When I was younger I would make funny faces in the mirror. Now that I'm older the mirror is getting even! I hate that mirror!!!
←Rate | 11-15-2010 19:26 Comments (0)

X I don't care what the law say, if you poke me and you're not my friend, it's rape.
←Rate | 11-16-2010 17:01 Comments (0)

X is Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes close
←Rate | 01-20-2011 11:34 by Jeanne Comments (0)

X Dear Children, When you look in your closet, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
←Rate | 06-20-2011 11:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X is It's not officially summer until you start forgetting what day of the week it is.
←Rate | 06-20-2011 22:02 by BEGO Comments (0)

X is I can't believe someone actually went through all the trouble to create a fake Facebook profile, complete with fake photos, fake friends and fake status updates just so they could befriend and stalk me. I don't know whether to feel honored or terrifie
←Rate | 07-01-2011 02:10 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)

X Nothing says your celebrating the birth of our Nation, like the smell of Gunpowder and Beer..
←Rate | 07-03-2011 12:20 by Wolf Comments (0)

X is I need some time alone....Gonna go sign in to Myspace
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:50 Comments (0)

X is If the government fails to raise the debt ceiling and stops paying their bills, I will stop paying mine, fair is fair
←Rate | 07-31-2011 22:19 by BEGO Comments (0)

X is having a mental margarita. It was delivered by a shirtless cabana boy.
←Rate | 02-09-2011 21:33 Comments (0)

X I sleep better naked... why can't the flight attendant understand this?
←Rate | 02-13-2011 21:06 Comments (0)

X is Did you know…As a farmer, George Washington grew marijuana on his farm at Mount Vernon and promoted it's growth. (In the 1790s, the crop was grown mainly for its industrial value as hemp and for soil stabilization.) Anyway, Happy Presidents' Day!
←Rate | 02-21-2011 10:39 Comments (0)

X says The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 13:13 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

X Silence is a girl's loudest cry. You can always tell she's really hurt when she starts ignoring you.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X "I'm wrong, your Right, I'm sorry, it'll never happen again"..... Easiest way to solve an argument with the wife
←Rate | 05-09-2011 22:59 Comments (0)

X My girlfriend said, "I don't know if six inches is gonna be enough for me." Thank God we were at Subway when she said it!
←Rate | 08-25-2011 15:31 by Mike M Comments (0)

X says come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I heard a car alarm go off for a legit reason
←Rate | 09-13-2011 12:37 Comments (0)

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