Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says Those mattress commercials with the people fake sleeping without covers would be more believable with a lonely housewife getting jack hammered by the pool boy.
X says I see your "Restraining order" and raise you a "high powered telescope"
X says Halloween is my favorite night of the year because we are all guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
X says Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping.....Ha, try online dating
X says This heat makes people do crazy things... Like talk to me.
X says Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
X Remember,,, your odds of winning Powerball are much lower than being hit by a car. Especially if I'm driving and see you in line for a ticket.
X I hate it when my sock puppets fight... Cuz I don't have a free hand to break them up.
X says I get my daily dose of vegetables by eating animals who eat vegetables
X says People who still have their popcorn when movies starts: your self-control disgusts me and I'll never party with you jerks.
X says im about to embark on an epic journey from a horizontal position in my bed to the coffee maker. join me on this incredible journey
X I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.
X says Don't text and drive. You don't want "lol" to be the last thing you say before you die.
X says So you say you’re fat because you had children. What did they taste like?
X says Do these sweatpants and 5 extra pounds make me look like I'm in a relationship?
X says With women it's not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at... LOL Who am I kidding, even the homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff..
X is O.J. Simpson is claiming that Khloe Kardashian is his daughter. He makes the claim in his new book called "The Only Thing I'm Ashamed Of."
X I bet even Tony Romo's throw pillows end up on the wrong couch.
X says Just because someone says, I love you, doesn't automatically mean they love just you.
X is not quite feeling myself today. I'm going to see if booze helps...