Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X If idle hands are the Devil's Playground than Facebook is a full blown amusement park.
X Some people rake leaves, others blow them. I prefer the flamethrower, it's fun for the whole neighborhood.
X is Tip this cab driver $5 he continued staring at me like I was going to give him more with his hand open, I took my $5 back, the tip is be grateful and stop being greedy
X I only talk sh*t when I'm strategically located near bouncers.
X I think Taylor Swift's song "Shake It Off" is a great potty training tool for boys
X says No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
X says I get the same feeling at the dentist that I get when a cop car is behind me; I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly guilty.
X says It's been three days since bono's luggage fell from his private jet and he "still hasn't found what he's looking for" Eh?
X says Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.
X Got my wife some lovely perfume for Xmas, its called Tester.. Hope she likes it.
X If you use a Wal-Mart bathroom there's no need to wash your hands... You're going to die anyway.
X says If you figure me out I want an explanation.
X says If I had a dollar for every time someone called me gay I'd be able to afford front row tickets to the Cher concert.
X says Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
X says Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
X says My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
X says I overheard an old dude at the bar tell the bartender not to put ice in his drink because 'you'll bruise the scotch' Changed my life.
X says Nestle to recall Philly Steak and Cheese Hot Pockets because they may contain meat that was already recalled by the Department of Agraculture. Most surprisingly, however, is that Steak and Cheese Hot Pockets may actually contain meat.
X says Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
X surprisingly Going on a killing spree has a minimal impact on your credit score.