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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.
←Rate | 04-01-2010 12:19 Comments (0)

X The FBI warnings before movies on DVD still refer to videotapes. So basically, even the people who are paid to make sure this is on every DVD, don't read it either
←Rate | 04-01-2010 14:18 Comments (0)

X says I'd take your message of social upheaval much more seriously if your "Anarchy" patch hadn't been purchased at Hot Topic.
←Rate | 04-02-2010 21:29 Comments (0)

X Ugh....... I can never decide which color of shower puff is the most gangster.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 03:59 by BigSarge Comments (0)

X I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can double park anywhere.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 19:17 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Why aren't you women happy like the ones in the tampon commercial?
←Rate | 06-22-2013 12:40 Comments (0)

X says Whenever I drive past the psychic's empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
←Rate | 06-24-2013 07:58 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says I have reached that point of my day where no more productivity is possible...
←Rate | 06-28-2013 16:54 by Steve OH Comments (0)

X is George Jefferson is dead!........''Moving on up to that apt. in the sky!!!'' R.I.P.
←Rate | 07-24-2012 16:26 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)

X says I've been asking God to send me my soulmate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 13:57 Comments (0)

X says I've regretted being nice way more times than I've regretted being a douchebag.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:30 Comments (0)

X says This Ramen tastes like unemployment
←Rate | 08-02-2012 12:41 Comments (0)

X says Be a deer and stand in the middle of the road for me, would you?
←Rate | 08-04-2012 12:17 Comments (0)

X says Lots of woman stay in relationships just to have somebody around to kill spiders and open jars.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:30 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X You really inspire me to be a bitter person.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 23:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X says When a woman says "the girls" I automatically assume she is talking about her boobs, not her actual friends.
←Rate | 09-11-2012 14:36 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says I don't mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they'd use the part behind me.
←Rate | 07-30-2013 12:47 Comments (0)

X This is the worst self help forum I have ever read.
←Rate | 08-25-2013 19:21 by snotty Comments (0)

X I'm pleased to say that I just used some germ-X and got rid of 99.9% of germs on both my hands and probably got them back while typing this
←Rate | 09-22-2013 21:07 Comments (0)

X says October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
←Rate | 10-01-2013 08:24 Comments (0)

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