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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X is ...says there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away...
←Rate | 03-03-2010 13:28 Comments (0)

X says Being called beautiful is miles better than hot or sexy..
←Rate | 03-17-2010 16:23 Comments (0)

X says When I was younger I would make funny faces in the mirror. Now that I'm older the mirror is getting even! I hate that mirror!!!
←Rate | 11-15-2010 19:26 Comments (0)

X I don't care what the law say, if you poke me and you're not my friend, it's rape.
←Rate | 11-16-2010 17:01 Comments (0)

X is Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes close
←Rate | 01-20-2011 11:34 by Jeanne Comments (0)

X My wife gave me an apple to eat for breakfast. So, this is what Adam felt like.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 09:41 by JRF Comments (0)

X I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!
←Rate | 09-19-2010 08:06 Comments (0)

X says The YMCA has officially shortened it's name to "The Y". You know times are tough when letters are even getting laid off.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 01:29 Comments (0)

X Turns out, when the officer asks why you're not wearing a seatbelt, pretending to have T-Rex arms is only hilarious to you.
←Rate | 08-01-2010 11:34 Comments (0)

X [This comment has been removed due to explicit sexual content]
←Rate | 08-20-2010 00:02 Comments (0)

X I don't like how Facebook asks "What's on your mind?" I usually just lie and live with the guilt.
←Rate | 04-10-2010 13:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)

X ...easy there, don't cry, it's OK. Everyone makes mistakes...take your parents for example
←Rate | 05-31-2010 15:33 by Stellar M Comments (0)

X I hate it when you go to bed and you finally convince yourself that the spot on the wall is just a piece of dirt or something, and then it totally starts crawling towards you!
←Rate | 06-24-2010 09:49 by ginger curtis Comments (0)

X Dear Children, When you look in your closet, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
←Rate | 06-20-2011 11:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X is It's not officially summer until you start forgetting what day of the week it is.
←Rate | 06-20-2011 22:02 by BEGO Comments (0)

X is I can't believe someone actually went through all the trouble to create a fake Facebook profile, complete with fake photos, fake friends and fake status updates just so they could befriend and stalk me. I don't know whether to feel honored or terrifie
←Rate | 07-01-2011 02:10 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)

X Nothing says your celebrating the birth of our Nation, like the smell of Gunpowder and Beer..
←Rate | 07-03-2011 12:20 by Wolf Comments (0)

X is I need some time alone....Gonna go sign in to Myspace
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:50 Comments (0)

X is If the government fails to raise the debt ceiling and stops paying their bills, I will stop paying mine, fair is fair
←Rate | 07-31-2011 22:19 by BEGO Comments (0)

X is having a mental margarita. It was delivered by a shirtless cabana boy.
←Rate | 02-09-2011 21:33 Comments (0)

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