Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X My auto-correct has the education of a free year old.
X is wondering if unemployment will be sending me a christmas bonus?
X is I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
X writes "like this", and not "lyk dis", because she is an adult, and because she is not stupid
X says I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
X Girl says "Guys are like bras. They hook up behind your back.".... The best reply, "Girls are like condoms, they spend more time in your wallet then on your d!ck!"
X is Some people were dropped as a baby, but then there's some that were clearly thrown at the wall
X says In honor of Black History Month... I plan to leave my kids and quit my job.
X People act all surprised that there's a bacon shortage, as if they have never seen a single episode of Honey Boo Boo.
X says The one thing you don't read about Helen Keller is how everybody blamed farts on her.
X I took a sh!t this morning. TMI? Yeah well I don't want to read about how in love you are with your boyfriend of the week either.
X is COURAGE does not always roar,sometimes it is that quiet voice at the end of the day that says''I will try again tomorrow''.
X is I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.
X I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
X says This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
X Being broke has shortened my wife expectancy.
X Sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.
X What's the appropriate cutoff age for playing in an inflatable bouncy house? Please let me know ASAP as this will impact my weekend plans.
X is You can only say WTF so many times in a day before you just start drinking!!!
X is I'm going to open a store next to forever 21 and call it finally 22.