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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X The ski racks on my car say I'm fun, adventurous, and can't figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 15:33 Comments (0)

X is Now I lay me down to sleep... one less terrorist this world does keep... with all my heart I give my thanks... to those in uniform regardless of ranks... you serve our country and serve it well... with humble hearts your stories tell... so as I rest my we
←Rate | 05-02-2011 12:06 by Stacy R Comments (0)

X thinks snowfall should be measured in school and business cancelations.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 11:17 Comments (0)

X My wife and I are doing the same thing for Valentine's Day that we do every year: Laughing at all the people who spend too much money!
←Rate | 02-13-2011 20:11 Comments (0)

X You don't want to look back on your life and say, "I just made it through."
←Rate | 02-24-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Dont wear white shorts and a blue thong and get mad when our eyes lock...thats like sitting at a bar and getting mad when the bartender asks if you want a drink
←Rate | 06-07-2011 21:38 Comments (0)

X is Learning from water. "Adjust yourself in every situation & in any shape", But Most importantly always find out your "own way to flow..."
←Rate | 06-19-2011 09:14 by raj Comments (0)

X says The Less people you deal with, the less problems you will have.
←Rate | 10-13-2011 03:20 Comments (0)

X says Remember before facebook when thoughts stayed in people’s heads?
←Rate | 03-17-2014 06:55 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says it possible to love the one you're with but not be able to stand the sound of their breathing? Asking for a friend
←Rate | 06-23-2014 08:32 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says When it comes to a recipe for a disaster, some people thrive on being the main ingredient.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 09:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra and many other problems !!!
←Rate | 03-02-2014 11:09 by Sandy Comments (0)

X says The French have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine. They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 13:06 by mds Comments (0)

X says Researchers in Hawaii recently put webcams on the fins of sharks so they could get a firsthand view of what the sharks see. The first thing they saw: a shark eating the guy who strapped a webcam on its fin.
←Rate | 03-05-2014 14:31 by McKibben Comments (0)

X says Okay, coffee's kicked in. What were you saying? Oh, sorry. Let me get that duct tape off your mouth.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 12:46 Comments (0)

X says I wear my heart on my sleeve and my lunch on the entire front part.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:11 by flinnie Comments (0)

X says I’m offering a cyber bullying self-defense course at the YMCA where we aggressively close browser windows and switch computers off.
←Rate | 07-25-2014 07:23 Comments (0)

X says I meant every drunken word... Whatever they were.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:39 Comments (0)

X says One thing TV has taught me-35% of all hospital deaths are caused by the attending physician failing to yell "Don't you die on me!" at the right moment.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:39 Comments (0)

X says The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up... lol!
←Rate | 10-08-2014 14:05 by Baddie Comments (0)

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