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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says So Taylor Swift is single? Again? Please allow me to express my sincere shock at this sudden and unexpected turn of events.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 11:44 by Kisstopher Comments (0)

X says My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 14:08 by Kisstopher Comments (0)

X If aliens were to intercept facebook signals, they'd conclude the only things we have to eat and drink here on Earth is bacon, cats, coffee and vodka.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 20:59 by MTQ Comments (0)

X The ads where Bing says they're better than Google are so cute. Like when you let a kid think hes playing Xbox but the controllers unplugged.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:24 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)

X is Attorney General Eric Holder will take away all your guns!........ Mexican Drug Cartel ''That;s where I got mine!!!''
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:16 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)

X says Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
←Rate | 07-28-2012 08:54 by Baddie Comments (0)

X I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.
←Rate | 07-28-2012 11:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X says Just found $4 on the ground. Well, more like $2.40 after my ex wife claims her share
←Rate | 07-29-2012 10:58 Comments (0)

X says I don't understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there's so heavy.
←Rate | 08-10-2012 09:42 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X Toddlers have an uncanny ability to hear & repeat every cuss word you utter but ignore every suggestion on avoiding injury & imminent death.
←Rate | 08-11-2012 22:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X says I didn't see a single Olympic wrestler use the sleeper hold or figure four leg lock...
←Rate | 08-12-2012 16:53 Comments (0)

X says Okay, I admit it! I have my chat showing as offline because I don't want to chat with some of you right now.
←Rate | 02-07-2011 14:21 Comments (0)

X is So you're telling me that a house fell on your sister, and the only thing you care about is her shoes?
←Rate | 02-10-2011 14:21 Comments (0)

X would gladly volunteer his services to hang out with Charlie Sheen at the Post-Oscars party.... You know, to keep him on the straight and narrow...
←Rate | 02-28-2011 01:21 by gavdunn Comments (0)

X One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you cant say out loud.
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:10 by CrAbby Comments (0)

X Almost 7 billion people on the planet and I find about 10 of them somewhat tolerable once in a while.
←Rate | 06-27-2011 15:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X is You know telling the kids that the Easter bunny is watching just doesn't have the same power as Santa's watching!!!
←Rate | 04-16-2011 15:28 Comments (0)

X says When I was younger, I wanted to be a famous writer like Hemingway. I got the alcoholism down, just not the hunting and suicide part
←Rate | 05-11-2011 18:12 by flinnie Comments (0)

X I would be unstoppable if I could just get started.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 21:14 by CleverKID Comments (0)

X Props to the radio stations!! I know it must be difficult with the different lengths of songs yet you still manage to sync ur commercials with every other radio station!
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

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