Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says I separate women into two categories: 1. Women I would have sex with. 2. Dudes.
X Due to the Economy, All dollar stores are now accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
X If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that
X says If you reach your hand into a woman's purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you're looking for.
X says I'm glad I've got boobs. The last thing I want is people making eye contact with me.
X is Diet is going great! No hostess snack cakes at all this year
X says True love cannot be found until you can find a mutual comfort level in the thermostat of your home.
X is it considered child labor if they think they are playing a game?
X says After spending 45 minutes eavesdropping on a crazy girl giving advice to another crazy girl, I really don't know how we're not extinct yet.
X Too bad Norman Rockwell isn't around today to paint scenes of people looking down at their smartphones.
X says The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet.
X says I often ask myself "What's wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can't drink at work"
X says You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
X is $19.99 because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!
X What's so cool about taking a picture of a bathroom mirror?
X If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures.
X says I have horrible gaydar. When I saw a couple of guys making out, I thought they were just excited for the start of the NFL season.
X This just enforces the belief that people with mullets should not be raising children.
X says this isn't a bakery, I don't sugar coat anything!
X Russell Wilson became the first QB in history to throw a game-winning interception."