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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says I separate women into two categories: 1. Women I would have sex with. 2. Dudes.
←Rate | 12-06-2013 06:15 by Baddie Comments (0)

X Due to the Economy, All dollar stores are now accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 14:01 Comments (0)

X If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that
←Rate | 06-09-2013 21:56 by snotty Comments (0)

X says If you reach your hand into a woman's purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you're looking for.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 08:02 Comments (0)

X says I'm glad I've got boobs. The last thing I want is people making eye contact with me.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 05:23 Comments (0)

X is Diet is going great! No hostess snack cakes at all this year
←Rate | 01-05-2013 18:49 by flipphonescott Comments (0)

X says True love cannot be found until you can find a mutual comfort level in the thermostat of your home.
←Rate | 01-09-2013 12:03 Comments (0)

X is it considered child labor if they think they are playing a game?
←Rate | 01-13-2013 16:26 by YODA Comments (0)

X says After spending 45 minutes eavesdropping on a crazy girl giving advice to another crazy girl, I really don't know how we're not extinct yet.
←Rate | 11-06-2012 13:46 Comments (0)

X Too bad Norman Rockwell isn't around today to paint scenes of people looking down at their smartphones.
←Rate | 11-10-2012 22:16 by snotty Comments (0)

X says The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet.
←Rate | 12-08-2012 18:53 Comments (0)

X says I often ask myself "What's wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can't drink at work"
←Rate | 07-26-2012 09:34 Comments (0)

X says You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:22 by Baddie Comments (0)

X is $19.99 because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!
←Rate | 08-01-2012 01:40 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)

X What's so cool about taking a picture of a bathroom mirror?
←Rate | 09-02-2012 00:02 by Danmanz Comments (0)

X If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures.
←Rate | 07-12-2013 15:12 by snotty Comments (0)

X says I have horrible gaydar. When I saw a couple of guys making out, I thought they were just excited for the start of the NFL season.
←Rate | 08-15-2013 06:58 by welton Comments (0)

X This just enforces the belief that people with mullets should not be raising children.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 09:01 by Rick Comments (0)

X says this isn't a bakery, I don't sugar coat anything!
←Rate | 09-23-2012 00:31 Comments (0)

X Russell Wilson became the first QB in history to throw a game-winning interception."
←Rate | 09-25-2012 00:54 Comments (0)

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