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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X is All the autotune in the world still doesn't sound as cool as talking into a desk fan
←Rate | 07-30-2011 15:44 Comments (0)

X going to make a to do list... whos name should I start out with first?
←Rate | 02-17-2011 14:04 by philty Comments (0)

X I took a sh!t this morning. TMI? Yeah well I don't want to read about how in love you are with your boyfriend of the week either.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 16:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X is My downstairs neighbor's 3 favorite movies of all time... 3.) “10,000,000 Explosions” 2.) “Army Guys Yelling At Each Other” 1.) “Subwoofer: The Movie”
←Rate | 11-28-2012 22:10 by Juelz Comments (0)

X The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
←Rate | 03-01-2013 14:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X says White smoke is coming out of my neighbor's house. He either elected a new Pope or he's got some good weed.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 13:07 by sully Comments (0)

X There was no power outage...... Beyonce's ass just got in front of the flood lights
←Rate | 02-03-2013 22:56 Comments (0)

X is What if Earth is just the insane asylum for the universe?
←Rate | 02-19-2013 21:24 Comments (0)

X Hey Mrs. Dugger, its a vagina not a clown car.
←Rate | 11-08-2011 17:49 by Rick H. Comments (0)

X is There's no need to rush. If something's meant to be, it'll happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.
←Rate | 05-20-2012 22:41 by BEGO Comments (0)

X If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I'm gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
←Rate | 03-16-2012 09:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X What's the appropriate cutoff age for playing in an inflatable bouncy house? Please let me know ASAP as this will impact my weekend plans.
←Rate | 03-30-2012 10:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 09:56 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
←Rate | 03-16-2014 03:38 by snotty Comments (0)

X says This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
←Rate | 04-25-2014 14:19 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight... Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
←Rate | 07-30-2014 15:02 Comments (0)

X says People complain about voters making bad decisions but what else would you expect from a nation with 7 successful cupcake-based reality shows
←Rate | 11-08-2014 05:48 Comments (0)

X The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
←Rate | 12-09-2014 12:38 by lkl627 Comments (0)

X says [During Interview] "Do you have any questions?" - Yeah, in The Titanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:11 by Baddie Comments (1)

X says On the TV this morning the weatherman said to dress warm if you're going outside. If you need a TV weatherman to remind you to dress warm, you've got bigger problems than the cold weather...
←Rate | 01-08-2015 21:35 by Mark M Comments (0)

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