Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X is All the autotune in the world still doesn't sound as cool as talking into a desk fan
X going to make a to do list... whos name should I start out with first?
X I took a sh!t this morning. TMI? Yeah well I don't want to read about how in love you are with your boyfriend of the week either.
X is My downstairs neighbor's 3 favorite movies of all time... 3.) “10,000,000 Explosions” 2.) “Army Guys Yelling At Each Other” 1.) “Subwoofer: The Movie”
X The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
X says White smoke is coming out of my neighbor's house. He either elected a new Pope or he's got some good weed.
X There was no power outage...... Beyonce's ass just got in front of the flood lights
X is What if Earth is just the insane asylum for the universe?
X Hey Mrs. Dugger, its a vagina not a clown car.
X is There's no need to rush. If something's meant to be, it'll happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.
X If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I'm gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
X What's the appropriate cutoff age for playing in an inflatable bouncy house? Please let me know ASAP as this will impact my weekend plans.
X Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you.
X Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
X says This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
X says Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight... Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
X says People complain about voters making bad decisions but what else would you expect from a nation with 7 successful cupcake-based reality shows
X The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
X says [During Interview] "Do you have any questions?" - Yeah, in The Titanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
X says On the TV this morning the weatherman said to dress warm if you're going outside. If you need a TV weatherman to remind you to dress warm, you've got bigger problems than the cold weather...