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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says This Facebook is really cutting into my other time wasting activities.
←Rate | 06-17-2014 09:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

X says Sometimes it is best not to talk unless you can improve on the silence.
←Rate | 06-18-2014 13:15 Comments (0)

X says Sorry I roasted marshmallows over your meltdown.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:20 by Baddie Comments (0)

X says it's my sons third birthday tomorrow... Due to budget constraints we're not gonna tell him!!!!
←Rate | 01-15-2015 17:25 Comments (0)

X says If you matured and made changes in Your life, you made a "180"....not a DAMN "360." A "360" means the same Degree of Stupidity..
←Rate | 02-01-2015 09:51 Comments (0)

X says A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
←Rate | 03-19-2015 15:10 Comments (0)

X Oh,, and BTW,,,, Earth day is just another made up holiday to sell more earths
←Rate | 04-22-2015 17:25 by snotty Comments (0)

X says I guess everyone can stop pretending that they are interested in boxing
←Rate | 05-03-2015 11:16 by darthdav Comments (0)

X says Does the name “Quasimodo” ring a bell?
←Rate | 05-20-2015 18:37 Comments (0)

X says A cute thing I tell my kids is that Jurassic Park was an actual documentary shot when I was a kid and it's all true.
←Rate | 06-03-2015 12:31 Comments (0)

X says my life coach told me to just let the clock run out!
←Rate | 06-16-2015 21:16 by flipphonescott Comments (0)

X says I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I'm roofing.
←Rate | 06-24-2015 11:51 Comments (0)

X What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?
←Rate | 06-27-2015 16:05 by Gil Comments (0)

X says I didn't read the article but let me tell you what I think about the headline.
←Rate | 07-07-2015 13:49 Comments (0)

X says Sometimes Karma does not even want to get involved, it just wants to sit and watch because it knows, sooner or later, they are bound to screw up all by themselves.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 02:05 Comments (0)

X says Today I met a FOOL who has both, his girlfriend and her mother as friends on his Facebook.
←Rate | 08-26-2011 02:33 Comments (0)

X says What is about public restrooms that make people go, "Yeah, I'm just not going to flush"
←Rate | 08-30-2011 19:39 by flinnie Comments (0)

X is Man with one foot on 'yesterday' and one foot on 'tomorrow' will end up pissing on 'today'.
←Rate | 07-31-2011 22:07 by BEGO Comments (0)

X says Some open minds should be closed for repairs.
←Rate | 08-02-2011 12:30 by CJ Comments (0)

X says What I wouldn't give for one of those push button secret trap door pitfall things in front of my desk today!
←Rate | 05-31-2011 06:30 Comments (0)

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