Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Here's to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon We need to celebrate an anti-mothers day to reward those kids who made it through high school without getting knocked up...
←Rate | 05-10-2015 14:25 by eengrms Comments (0)  

   messageicon My cat would like you to know that no dragon has ever attacked me whilst sitting on the toilet. And she plans on keeping it that way.
←Rate | 06-22-2016 17:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I still think Richard Gere overpaid for Julia Roberts.
←Rate | 07-09-2016 05:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't know who George Soros is, or who Saul Alinsky was and what Cloward-Piven means, Do America a favor and either educate yourself or DO NOT Vote.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 18:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Legend says when you can't sleep it's because you are awake in someone else's dreams....when I find out who you are I'm going to punch you right in the face.
←Rate | 07-17-2016 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I now consider sitting in a quiet car as a good night out.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going paperless at home but it's presenting a real problem in the bathroom.
←Rate | 08-12-2016 19:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey,, Has anyone tried giving ISIS a snickers bar?
←Rate | 08-21-2016 22:00 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll probably be sick of these orange sherbet pushups by the time I finish the 22 pushup challenge but, I am determined to finish it anyway.
←Rate | 09-08-2016 21:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
←Rate | 09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon "According to the latest poll, 80 percent of the people polled are sick and tired of hearing about the latest polls."
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think your life can't get any worse, just could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.
←Rate | 10-28-2016 09:31 by Fazzella Comments (0)  

   messageicon For all you people thinking about giving healthy Halloween treats, just stop now while you are ahead
←Rate | 10-26-2015 07:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies if you want me, I'll be in the Friend zone driving under the speed limit as usual.
←Rate | 06-16-2014 13:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I meant every drunken word... Whatever they were.
←Rate | 09-19-2014 01:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We get it, media. Ben Affleck and Bill Mahr argued over Islam. Isn't there some real news to report??
←Rate | 10-07-2014 12:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the best age to tell your kids that they have a weak rap game?
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:38 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Trump wins I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
←Rate | 11-02-2016 11:58 Comments (0)  

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