father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Gave my son the "you live under my roof, you play by my rules" speech and my father's mustache immediately appeared on my face.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 14:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dad, Thanks for not pulling out! Happy Father's Day!!!
←Rate | 06-15-2014 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME
←Rate | 05-31-2013 08:54 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak
←Rate | 10-21-2009 16:41 by Amelie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love being a father. Children start off as little bundles of joy and eventually grown up to be great at getting you a beer.
←Rate | 10-07-2012 11:04 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon There have been more collect calls in history on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 08:11 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.
←Rate | 06-22-2012 10:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Tylenol, as a Father, I can respect the fact that you make your products child-proof. However, as a consumer with a splitting headache, I hate your fricken guts 'cause I can't open the damn packet with my fingers...
←Rate | 10-26-2012 01:35 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!
←Rate | 06-15-2014 21:19 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.
←Rate | 10-07-2010 01:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father's Day Then And Now: In 1911, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 07:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
←Rate | 04-24-2011 23:27 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon On this Presidents day we celebrate our great leaders; Washington, the father of our country, Lincoln, who freed the slaves, Reagan, who tore down that wall and Kennedy, who banged Marilyn Monroe.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 17:53 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon it's really inconsiderate of you to be this attaractive if you're not planning on being the father of my future children
←Rate | 04-06-2012 12:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hopes nobody else dresses up as Justus von Liebig, Father of biochemistry who recorded minerals in plant ash and proposed the law of minimum.
←Rate | 10-30-2009 09:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have to be careful with my kids when I talk about the death of their father. It's a sensitive subject and I don't want them warning him.
←Rate | 03-24-2016 09:24 by Karen Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Father's Day, all! Be nice to your dad today. Remember it's because of him not pulling out in time that you're alive today!
←Rate | 06-19-2011 15:57 by biggie Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a father to 2 sons & a grandfather to 2 grandsons,, I often find myself torn between.. "Don't ever do that again" and " Ahh,Good one!"
←Rate | 05-01-2012 13:25 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME
←Rate | 01-23-2014 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never see Micael Pelps's father in the stands because he is a dolphin.
←Rate | 08-07-2012 17:28 Comments (0)  

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