santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Today’s the start of the “Christmas hangover.” The holidays are over and everyone is getting their credit card bills. I just got mine and I can’t believe I spent that much on the Thigh Master.

   This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.

   My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just stole it.

   Time to lose a little weight from the holidays with my guaranteed to work weight loss program that's called "Log Out of Facebook"

   Spent too much money over Christmas so tonight I'm going to party like its $19.99

   No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....

   The week between Christmas and New Year's should be called "Taint Week".

   I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.

   For Sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Cheap. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   I got jumper cables for Christmas because I like to start crap...

   I can't believe we still have 364 days till Christmas and people already have their lights up.

   The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.

   Everybody’s saying Merry Christmas to their friends and family, so here’s a Merry Christmas to all the strangers and enemies no one ever says Merry Christmas to!

   If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.

   Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.

   If you know anyone home alone for Christmas let me know! I need to borrow their chairs...

   Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Birthday Jesus without a Facebook reminder.

   If you love Christmas so much, why don't you marry it, Eve? What I'm trying to say is: Merry Christmas Eve.

   I'm saying this before the 12th day of Christmas even arrives. I'm keeping the 8 maids a milking and the 9 ladies dancing. That's it Everything else is going back to Walmart.

   I could easily do all my Christmas shopping at the Cracker Barrel gift shop.