santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.
←Rate | 12-22-2017 07:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I assume nowadays the Christmas family portrait theme involves four people staring into their electronic devices next to the Christmas tree...
←Rate | 12-20-2017 09:42 by Shalam-Balam Comments (0)  

   messageicon I asked Santa for Hillary Clinton for Christmas, but he said “No, You’ll Shoot Her Eye Out!”
←Rate | 12-20-2017 03:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Want to see somethine scary? When your house is full of teenagers for the holidays, unplug your wi-fi.
←Rate | 12-19-2017 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon its christmas time. lets see some funnies and not democratic bull
←Rate | 12-19-2017 05:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't care what we have for Christmas dinner as long as it's lasagna.
←Rate | 12-19-2017 04:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I decided to use Craigslist to do all my Christmas shopping. Look's like everyone's getting used couches this year.
←Rate | 12-18-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:39 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop
←Rate | 12-14-2017 05:03 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Getting Christmas gifts for my kids gets harder as they get older, mostly because I can't remember where I hid them.
←Rate | 12-13-2017 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it's voice activated. I'm at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
←Rate | 12-13-2017 04:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If one of Santa Claus's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
←Rate | 12-12-2017 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
←Rate | 12-09-2017 23:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once again this year, Family planning experts are now recommending giving men vasectomy gift cards for the holidays. Talk about taking the jingle out of the bells.
←Rate | 12-09-2017 16:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Xmas idea: let your child watch Chucky, then explain Elf on the Shelf
←Rate | 12-09-2017 15:12 by TD Comments (1)  

   messageicon Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
←Rate | 12-09-2017 08:36 by UncleBubba Comments (0)  

   messageicon By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights
←Rate | 12-04-2017 21:17 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Santa, have you been working out? It sure shows. By the way, I love the new work flow plan you've established for the elves. Very efficient!" - Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer
←Rate | 12-02-2017 09:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 18:34 Comments (0)  

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