santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 12:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's really pissed that I beat him to it. Heck, I'm not stupid .... I put mine up three years ago!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking the horn.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Hillary. They all hang together; half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't that bright.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 10:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon But if you can't see your Christmas decorations from space, do you really love Jesus?
←Rate | 12-01-2016 00:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so broke that This Christmas I am going to wrap up some batteries with a note saying "Toys not included".
←Rate | 11-30-2016 18:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I want for Christmas is an air hockey table. It will go great with my air guitar.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 05:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Santa: Please refer to my Pinterest board.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 12:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just put up my three foot Christmas tree, needed my six foot ladder to put the star on
←Rate | 11-29-2016 09:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.
←Rate | 11-28-2016 21:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey Lady, Please don't blame the Holidays ..... For Pete's Sake ..... You you were Fat in August!!!
←Rate | 11-27-2016 21:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
←Rate | 11-27-2016 09:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When Thanksgiving is over, you have my permission to listen to Christmas music.
←Rate | 11-24-2016 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 10:19 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm too tired to stay awake and watch... It feels like this U.S. Election night is Christmas Eve, and America's worried Santa might leave coal and sticks instead of presents in the morning.
←Rate | 11-08-2016 22:38 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Christmas must be near, The bin man said good morning to me.
←Rate | 10-26-2016 11:47 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon I take all my Christmas pictures a couple months early before I put on all the serious weight.
←Rate | 10-25-2016 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
←Rate | 10-18-2016 11:15 Comments (0)  

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