Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 894 of 6369
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
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03-30-2013 16:00 by snotty
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I can't help being lazy. It walks in the family.
One good thing about Twitter is that it keeps all annoying people away from Facebook.
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04-09-2013 09:23
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everyone getting excited? Only 337 days until Thanksgiving.
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12-22-2010 19:53
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Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up. In other news, Taylor Swift has started writing her next album.
Why is it, when I get a 2-minute long, static and mumbling filled voicemail that is clearly the result of an accidental purse/pocket dial, I don't just delete it 5 seconds in? Because I'd rather listen intently for sh*t talking.
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09-02-2010 06:54
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Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn't talking about sneezing.
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09-08-2010 09:30
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OK...I have 20 Bowls and 20 Lids...Not NONE of the dang things match!!
wondering why the big uproar about burning Crayons??
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09-11-2010 08:53
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Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We're not sure if he's life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.
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09-24-2010 22:57 by @seddy90
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Friends are a bad influence. And I would just like to thank them for that.
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10-07-2010 01:38
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I don't start trouble! I just keep it going.
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10-25-2010 14:06
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Life is a roller coaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
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11-10-2010 16:14
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You know the economy is bad when you go into the bank and tell the manager you'd like to start a small business and his recommendation is to buy a big one and just wait a few months.
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11-15-2010 13:53 by Michael
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No matter how little I do in a day....I always feel like I could have done less.
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11-09-2009 23:58 by Mike
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OK so I'm a guy so I'm not going to pretend like I'm an expert on the subject but HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!
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07-15-2010 17:55
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So my boss told me I was well rounded this morning... I didnt know whether to thank him.. or punch his lights out..
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08-10-2010 09:38 by timboss
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My gift horse is facing the wrong way
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08-11-2010 00:19 by Aaron
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