Funny Status Messages

   I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 8 or 9 times, just to be sure.

   Practical joke idea: all of us go back to MySpace for one week, get Tom all excited, and then leave again

   Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

   I used to think you took my breath away. Then I realized I was just suffocated by your bulls!ht...

   Shower = 27 min. 2min. = Wash and rinse body. 25 min. = Reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe.

   WATER - Giver of Life….Destroyer of Witches….Improver of T-Shirt contests.....

   If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

   Its simple.PG,means the hero gets the girl,PG13 means that the villain gets the girl and 18 means everybody gets the girl!!!

   likes poetry, long walks on the beach.... and poking dead things with a stick.

   I'm no a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure "He started it," is a legit defense.

   Lost his mind somewhere.. If you find it please put it back in the gutter.

   You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant...

   For the Mean girl who cut me off, gave me the finger & rolled down your window just to call me A-hole. Next time you should think before you act. You were pulling into your Driveway. Now you have Egg on your face & your car & your house. =)

   Trust me when I say its better to walk in on both of your parents making love than just one of them !

   Veteran: Someone that wants to choke the crap out of the punk in front of you for not taking his hat off during the National Anthem. Someone that still gets queasy around dehydrated food. Someone that has to use all their might to not tear up during "Taps

   Well if Killer Whales kill, I dont wanna know what Humpback or Sperm whales do...

   has ordered a home delivery from KFC and Denny's simultaneously, so he can see which comes first, the chicken or the eggs.

   I'm going to make Christmas cookies with dog bone cookie cutters & see if anyone eats them this year!!!

   they should change the name of Rock Band to 'Drunken Family karaoke Failure'

   Scientists remain baffled over the reason why thousands of birds fell from the sky in an apparent mass suicide....... And in other news, Rosie O'donnell was seen hang-gilding naked over Arkansas.... Film at 11.......