life Funny Status Messages

   Some of the happiest years of a woman's life are when she's 29.

   1. Wear a life alert bracelet that says you need to be resuscitated by pizza. 2. Lie on the sidewalk. 3. Feast.

   Growing up into an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life.

   Nothing tells your friends you've made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.

   Tomorrow can be just another day or it could be the first day of the rest of your life. Change happens by choice not coincidence.

   life is a book.with .many chapters some are hard to get through some are easy but you have to keep turning the page to get to the next adventure..

   Relationships are like drugs, they either kill you, or give you the best feeling of your life.

   my computer decided to restart itself, and I lost the 37 tabs I had open. my life is in shambles

   LIFE HACK: Just eat your burrito over a tortilla,,, anything that falls out, will simply start building your next burrito

   Life is like a rubik's cube. It only takes a few wrong turns to scramble it up, but then it takes forever to put things right.

   was at a house recently of some people I didn't like when life afforded me the opportunity to empty their bottle of sexual lubrication and replace it with hand sanitizer, On the bright side they should be 99.9% Germ free

   It's not the followers count that matters, but a few lovely people among those who make it their life to make you felt loved.

   I'm hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.

   Alcohol is the lube I use to slide through life.

   Life doesn’t hand me lemons, it fires them at me rapidly from a lemon cannon.

   I only have 2 regrets in life. Some girls I wished I slept with and some girls I wish I hadn't!

   Me: "I'm disappointed with my life." Life: "The feeling is mutual."

   Life is a terminal disease, that is sexually transmitted.

   Life is about kicking ass, not kissing it.

   Life is a journey, with plenty of stops at the liquor store to make it bearable.