santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Don't get your hopes up. Santa has about as much of a chance of bringing "Hope and Change" as a clown does.

   Christmas is the time of year when we want our pasts forgotten and our presents remembered!

   Anyone know about how much Santa weighs ... I am currently setting a trap and need some info.

   We made Gingerbread Man cookies today, and I'm still laughing. My kids were acting out Shrek with them, and one was Lord Farquad: "I'm not the monster, you are! Now tell me where are the others!" The other was the GBM: "Eat Me!" Christmas with kids = win

   if good girls sit on santa's lap, do bad ones sit on his face?

   was surprised to find a Christmas present from last year while getting the decorations out. The kids were all excited as I opened the box. What a pity it was a dead puppy

   I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..

   thinks Christmas must be near. Just found a partridge in one of the pear trees on Farmtown

   thinking the perfect holiday date for me this year has WELL HUNG stockings, a mistletoe belt buckle, nice christmas balls and NUMBA 1 SPOT on the naughty list.

   Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?

   contemplating doing a combination of christmas and easter, wrap the gifts, then hide them all over the house, voila...Christer!!!

   apologizes for sounding insensitive, but that "Christmas Shoes" song just plain sucks.

   Well I just bought another load of laundry and a few things to dust for Christmas... I hope my family and friends enjoy a little extra work... You're welcome...That's just how I roll...

   Idea for a Christmas Party: Have two guys dress as Jesus and Santa Claus. One brings wine the other brings Eggnog with vodka. Santa brings his 12 reindeer playboy bunnies. All at your mother-in-law's house. ONE BIG JINGLE FOR THE YEAR.

   FACEBOOK + CHRISTMAS = Endless status updates reminding you what month it is. Not to mention pages and pages of people's Xmas pics.

   What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

   Christmas Card $3.00 Brand new "Shrek" dvd $20.00 Gift wrap $2.00 The look of disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real - PRICELESS !!!

   knows a lot of people that will corner the market on coal this Christmas

   just met a lot of people who will corner the market on coal this Christmas.

   wondering if unemployment will be sending me a christmas bonus?