father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My girl's father got mad at me, for writing my name in piss on the side of his house. I said "what about your daughter sir, it was her handwriting"
←Rate | 04-07-2013 13:38 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had my family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.
←Rate | 11-08-2011 17:52 by NJS Comments (0)  

   messageicon running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
←Rate | 12-26-2011 04:04 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's weird how all the floor around my father is made of eggshells.
←Rate | 06-06-2012 07:34 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 21:32 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
←Rate | 03-29-2010 08:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far.
←Rate | 01-27-2012 22:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....
←Rate | 09-10-2013 22:02 by Southern Yankee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 13:15 by H.RAYAT Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sadly there comes a day in every Father/Son Relationship where your son asserts himself by simply saying "No thank you" when you say "Pull my finger".
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:01 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Darth Vader: The first black guy to admit he's the father.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever a couple tells me that their baby was born premature, I glare accusingly at the father.
←Rate | 10-23-2011 12:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder what Lebron got Delonte West for Father's Day?
←Rate | 06-17-2012 19:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If she asks you what you want for Father's Day. Tell her to take you off child support.
←Rate | 06-15-2017 15:40 by Surhater Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.
←Rate | 06-21-2015 09:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tattoos don't make you a whore. Going on Maury 6 times and STILL can't find your baby's father? That makes you a whore.
←Rate | 02-25-2016 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, Mick Jagger is a new father at the age of 73. I guess time really is on his side.
←Rate | 12-09-2016 06:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gave my son the "you live under my roof, you play by my rules" speech and my father's mustache immediately appeared on my face.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 14:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.
←Rate | 07-14-2018 12:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dad, Thanks for not pulling out! Happy Father's Day!!!
←Rate | 06-15-2014 10:19 Comments (0)  

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