father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon ... So Hillary invites the father of the Orlando Gay Nightclub murderer to sit behind her at her rally! Heck ... least she could have done is asked him to wear shades to hide his identity. Hmm REALLY BEGINNING TO QUESTION HER Ability to represent America
←Rate | 08-09-2016 21:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girl's father got mad at me, for writing my name in piss on the side of his house. I said "what about your daughter sir, it was her handwriting"
←Rate | 04-07-2013 13:38 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father is always advising me to find a girl who has the same belief of me as the family does, and then marry her. Why would I want to marry a girl who thinks I'm an idiot?
←Rate | 01-06-2013 20:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had my family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.
←Rate | 11-08-2011 17:52 by NJS Comments (0)  

   messageicon running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
←Rate | 12-26-2011 04:04 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's weird how all the floor around my father is made of eggshells.
←Rate | 06-06-2012 07:34 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Darth Vader: The first black guy to admit he's the father.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 21:32 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
←Rate | 03-29-2010 08:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far.
←Rate | 01-27-2012 22:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....
←Rate | 09-10-2013 22:02 by Southern Yankee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
←Rate | 06-18-2010 13:15 by H.RAYAT Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sadly there comes a day in every Father/Son Relationship where your son asserts himself by simply saying "No thank you" when you say "Pull my finger".
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:01 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever a couple tells me that their baby was born premature, I glare accusingly at the father.
←Rate | 10-23-2011 12:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder what Lebron got Delonte West for Father's Day?
←Rate | 06-17-2012 19:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If she asks you what you want for Father's Day. Tell her to take you off child support.
←Rate | 06-15-2017 15:40 by Surhater Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.
←Rate | 06-21-2015 09:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tattoos don't make you a whore. Going on Maury 6 times and STILL can't find your baby's father? That makes you a whore.
←Rate | 02-25-2016 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gave my son the "you live under my roof, you play by my rules" speech and my father's mustache immediately appeared on my face.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 14:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, Mick Jagger is a new father at the age of 73. I guess time really is on his side.
←Rate | 12-09-2016 06:44 Comments (0)  

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