nfl OR football OR superbowl Funny Status Messages

   After Colorado legalized marijuana, Peyton Manning bought 20 Papa John's stores in Colorado. If this football thing doesn't work out, I say he's got a bright future in finance

   ACA's, CMA's, ACM's...country music is working on having as many stupid awards shows as college football has pointless bowl games.

   I like Carrie Underwood better on Sunday night football

   Hockey is better than football. Hockey is fast, the game keeps moving, way fewer penalties, and play is both strategic and arbitrary. Football is mostly about following patterns. So is a sewing class.

   I had a choice tonight to either watch the Redskins lose on Monday Night Football or clean the toilets in my house. Since I didn't feel like throwing up this evening I'm cleaning house

   :"SH! Football is on". ~ said no Girl ever.

   If all he thinks about is sex, turn on a football game. Now he's thinking about football... And sex...

   free candy and football. my kinda Thursday

   The Gladys Have Been Rebranded As The "VAGIANTS" Next Year They Will Be starting their first year in THE LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE

   Overview of my résumé: 1. Quick eater 2. Extensive knowledge of Parkour 3. Argumentative 4: Fired from McDonalds 5: Am I a multi tasker, (I can sneeze and pee at the same) 6: leading my Fantasy Football league..

   [tears open envelope] It's here! It's *really* here! The expressed written consent of the National Football League!

   Ladies, your football knowledge is about the same as my interior design knowledge. Give it up...

   Somewhere out there a woman just called the football a “weird ball thingy” as a man sits nearby contemplating the consequences of murder.

   Sunday night Football on NBC, Al thinks Chris is as gay as can be

   Official Football helmet on Captain Video!

   "There are no stupid questions" - People who have never tried to watch football with their girlfriends.

   I really hope my fantasy football teams do well this year.... I need a resume booster.

   Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.

   I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant. I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.

   Preseason football is like watching the JV basketball team play before the Varsity.