santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Cashier: do you want cash back? Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's ring of fire, I walk the line. Let's not forget his christmas album

   A new study found that 1 percent of men buy gifts for their loved ones at gas stations on Christmas Day. Nothing shows Christmas warmth like a nice bottle of top-shelf anti-freeze.

   Christmas is less than two weeks away. I do most of my shopping online. But I hire someone to honk and scream obscenities at me while I'm doing it so I get the whole holiday shopping experience.

   Not one of my normal posts. Bit more serious. If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.

   Does anyone in this group know of an old couple or even a single old lady or man who will be eating alone this Christmas? I am having friends and relatives over and need to borrow a few chairs.

   Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words "Me too"?

   *gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*

   If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.

   I fell asleep reading my hard copy of "A Christmas Carol". The book slid off my lap and landed square on my big toe! Man, that hurt like the dickens.

   I’m dreaming of a White Christmas and yes I mean cocaine

   We went to buy a Christmas tree last night. It's supposed to be fun, right? At the end of the night I was so crazy I put the tree in the backseat of the car and strapped my kid to the roof.

   Remember children, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

   Is it to early to break my new year's resolution or should I wait until after Christmas?

   It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas needs to be less commercialized so remember whose birthday it is.

   You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas Tree by the lines of tape wrapped around the box it's stored in.

   Untangling Christmas lights is the closest my wife and I have ever gotten to S&M.

   Christmas is really kind of weird. “Let’s all sit around a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of our socks”

   Santa: I can't wait for the cookies I'm gonna get in Colorado.

   Dear Mark Zuckerberg, All I want for Christmas this year is fonts.

   Opened a Christmas card today and rice fell out....Must have been fro Uncle Ben.