father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Conrad Murray is guilty?!? In other surprising news, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced, Casey Anthony killed her daughter and Justin Beiber will never be anyones father because he is, in fact, a girl...

   I had my family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.

   Father Jim inspired me to confess with a lighter attitude. From now on, it's "Bless me, Father, these sins are gonna crack you up!"

   Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.

   if Darth Vader was really black would he have admitted to being Luke's father?

   The Secret life of the American teenager is less realistic than star wars. No father and daughter talk about sex that casually. "Hey amy, are you going to have sex with Ricky tonight?" "Well we're both emotionally & physically ready, so yeah." "okay, cool

   running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

   Every time a white guy sags his pants, somewhere in the world, a black baby grows up with a father.

   I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far.

   THE ARTISTS may have the most Academy Awards Nominations, but at my house I have been nominated for BEST FATHER and BEST HUSBAND not forgetting BEST MASTER by my dog.

   My father was a professional wrestler. He hit us but did not hit us!!

   Never knew if my father would hit us or the bottle!

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned

   my father called me an asswipe, I said the wipe didnt fall far from the ass

   forgot to put the seat belt on my 8-year-old boy this morning. "You are an irresponsible father!" Someone shouted "Who said that? I shouted. "Stop the car, son."

   Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.

   Fun fact: If you say 'Bloody Maury' into the mirror three times, you WILL be the father

   "Luke, I'm like totally your father. Party on." ~~Garth Vader