Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

   4 out of 5 dentists... leaves one dentist.

   n't having a smoking section in a restaurant, like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

   writing a Christmas list: Shamwow, Snuggie, Flowbee and... a Chia Pet

   using a Magic 8 ball to answer his bosses questions.

   Why does David Hasselhoff call himself "The Hoff"? Because he couldn't put up with the hassle.

   better than normal. i'm abnormal

   wonders why some men cultivate on their face that which grows freely on their arses?

   ..believes so strongly in reincarnation that she's written a will and left everything to herself..

   Anyone gifting snuggies should be immediatley disposed of.

   in the process of becoming a Mexican Citizen, so I can sneak back into the States and get better health coverage, financial aid, a tax free paying job, cheaper housing and all the other glorious benefits that we give out illegal immigrants.

   was going to stop procrastinating and be productive today but I think I'll do that later. ;o)

   says, "Dear Santa, I know it's a little early....but could you DEFINE naughty?" ;o)

   (If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses)

   SARS was caused by CHICKENS right? Guess what...it was the year of the CHICKENS. H1N1 caused by PIGS well guess what...year of the PIGS. Next year is the year of the ROOSTER...Great !! I guess this illness will only affect the guys. were doomed!!

   "Sport has the ability to change the world, the power to inspire, the power to unite people in a way that little else can. It speaks to people in a language they understand. Sport can hope where there once was despair. It is an instrument for peace."

   renting out his status box as advertising space..

   Tip of the Day: When greeting your friend Jack at an airport,do not yell "HI,JACK!!". Another tip: prison food is terrible.

   says I've Got Nothing Against Mohammed or Allah...It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand