Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Only Crimson Tide A Longhorn Fan is Afraid of Comes Once A Month From His Wife Or Girlfriend!

   I know Floyd Mayweather likes to dodge but this is ridiculous!

   still accidentaly writes 2009 instead of 2010... and this will probably continue until the end of February.

   if it weren't for Angels & Demons I never would of known that priests make excellent helicopter pilots and they even know how to skydive, go figure.

   brought to you today by the neighbor's router

   finds it interesting that most of the girls in the sex addiction meetings are either Pentecostal or Mennonite's

   note to self: learn that the word voltage is a bad thing before placing hands on the cables

   To who ever invented the padded bra... THANK YOU

   has decided instead of skinny dipping she'll go chunky dunking.

   just heard about the 2 blondes that froze to deat at the drive in...they were watching "CLOSED FOR THE WINTER"!!

   would like to thanks Canada for helping the U.S. with the war in Iraq, by sending BOTH of their airplanes over to help!!

   life is too short to be spent pondering eternity

   iDon't need an APP to make fart noises. There's an a$$ for that.

   wonders why people only see ghosts at night? Probably for the same reason nobody sees UFO's in the city

   wondering how exactly do you mark someone's words?

   I am good at posting statuses with percentages that I pulled out my ass. If you are one of these people or know someone who is, please repost this. 97.4% won't copy and paste this. : )

   Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

   you can't control the economy, you can control your health

   you learn alot about one's Backbone, Mainly when they say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

   Banks are the type of place that will give you money if you can prove you don't need it