Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6067 of 6371
it's not me or my actions that bug you, it's that you let them bug you.
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03-19-2010 01:03 by Pineapple
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NCAA March Madness Bracket TIME OF DEATH: 11:33pm, 03-18-10
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03-19-2010 00:57
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I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
does not think of himself as fat, he thinks of himself as being famine and drought resistant.
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03-18-2010 23:28
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when you think your life sucks, just remember that somewhere in the world is one poor b*stard named Mr. Pelosi....
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03-18-2010 23:16
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considering starting a Hooters for us girls. It will be called C*cks, feature a rooster instead of an owl, and only hire gorgeous, well-hung boy toys.
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03-18-2010 23:13
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OMFG I just saw this woman with Buckwheat in a headlock! Either that, or she's European.
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03-18-2010 22:23
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I don't think of it as a mess... I just think it's nice having everything I own in plain sight and within easy reach at all times!
I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure the only way to alleviate the guilt of eating a peanut butter cup is by eating 15 more.
If it werent for the gutter my mind would be homeless!!!
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03-18-2010 16:41 by ANGELA
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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking. A wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
Recently, my Visa card was stolen. Now, it's 'everywhere I want to be'.
I TOOK A DRUG TEST THE OTHER DAY AND THE TEST RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE. WHICH MEANS MY DEALER HAS SOME F*CKING EXPLAINING TO DO...
The police NEVER think it's as funny as I do!.(;
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03-18-2010 15:40
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Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable
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03-18-2010 15:37 by ANGELA
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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same
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03-18-2010 15:36 by ANGELA
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I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth
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03-18-2010 15:35 by ANGELA
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cigarettes are just like ferrets, perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set it on fire...
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03-18-2010 15:04 by ANGELA
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somehow criminal lawyer seems slightly redundant
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03-18-2010 15:03 by trini
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come on now, you think Elin (Tiger's wife) would really walk away from all that money... She's not that crazy.
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03-18-2010 14:38 by Danmanz
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