love Funny Status Messages

   The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.

   I work as a waiter and love it when people ask "How do you prepare the chicken?"I always reply "We tell it straight, you gonna die

   If I didn't drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?

   I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre

   I love Halloween. You get free candy without having to get into anyone's van.

   Don't you love that moment when you're cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start to glide?

   ❒Single ❒Taken ✔ Unable to find love because my standards have been set unrealistically high after mentally dating a celebrity.

   Santa is really going to love the cookies he gets from Colorado and Washington this year..

   Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.

   I love the idea of Canada and America sitting down for a bud and a labatts. While we're at it we should have some apple pie and some poutine. America and Canada are like two brothers. We may argue alot but in the end we're family. Hey america. you ROCK!

   Meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Wednesday because this is bulls**t."

   First, love yourself. Everyone else, get in line.

   Happy Mushy-Card-Nasty-Candy-in-a-Heart-Shaped-Box-Big-Balloon-That-Barely-Fits-in-Your-Car-And-You-Can't-See-to-Back-Up-$75-Rose s-That-Can-be-Bought-Tomorrow-for-$20-but-Must-be-Sent-to-"Prove"-Your-Love-Stand-In-Line-for-Two-Hours-to-Eat Day. <HATE

   You know shes a stalker . . . . or a serial killer, if you wake up at 3 'o clock in the morning and shes staring at you. . . in the dark. . . . .and says. . . "You know that I love you right?"

   i love it when I get tailgated on a bumpy road and the driver behind me has no time to avoid the really big pothole that takes away his body kit.

   I am not saying you have to love me. I am just saying the duct tape will come off quicker if you do.

   My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'f*ck.' What the make love is she talking about?

   If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.

   Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."

   Where are the realistic Mother's Day cards that say, "Well you did the best you could with what you had and I still love you anyways."