Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Going to Wal-Mart will help build up your immune system for just about everything except Covid-19...

   After the coronavirus passed I'm going to be in need a facebookers anonymous meeting.

   A hookah is just a glorified bong.

   That night in september 1945 if Mary Ann had only told Fred she had a headache, we all would be better off today.

   There is no pain you are receding. Britney Spears,

   Women spend their whole lives thinking they are fat when they are perfect. Men spend their lives thinking they are perfect even when they are Fat !

   Ah memory impairment...the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle

   Monday is Memorial Day. I plan on showing my grandsons how to eat corn on the cob typewriter style. The hard part is going to be explaining a typewriter. 🌽

   A gross miscalculation is 144 times worse than a regular miscalculation.

   Coworker: Good morning! Me: I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

   Looking at people posts I think facebook should change the status question from “what’s on your mind?” to “What’s your problem today!?”

   If it has yellow and black stripes, I run the other way, fast!

   Volkswagen..Das auto is a piece of crap

   For one who thinks they're never wrong. I bet his school teachers found him to be a "real pleasure" to have him as one of their students.

   It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. #GeorgeCarlin

   I can't wait to back to my favorite bar and say "I'll take a Corona. Hold the Virus."

   Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain !!!👿 Wife: Well aren't you gonna say something ? Me : Not my turn to use the brain.😜

   I think it's hilarious that Gary Numan is older than Gary Oldman.

   I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.

   . Looks like the FNC reporters drank some Folgers and finally woke up.