Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Social distancing requires a good supply of air horns.

   the crows and the ducks are having a turf war in my backyard it’s like the squawkiest version of west side story ever

   I know that people want to go back to work because they're broke, but there's still a serious virus floating around. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that being broke is better than being dead.

   A Man's Take On Marriage: An arrangement where you're owned by someone else, yet don't actually own anything yourself.

   Maybe my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than three of my Facebook friends in 2020 was asking for too much?

   If CN N told you the only cure of covid-19 is to jump off a bridge. Which bridge are yall going to choose...

   Taylor Swift and Adele are basically the same age. Mind blown!

   After this pandemic is over, I don't want to see any more memes claiming that you could live in a cabin alone for a full year for a million dollars. You literally couldn't stay in your house for 5 days to save your grandmother, soooo......

   All our dogs think we are staying home every day just for them and all of our cats are thinking we got fired from our jobs because we are the losers they always knew we were

   I'LL TRADE YOU A 12 PACK OF TOILET PAPER FOR A POUND OF HAMBURGER

   [Me in Heaven] God: You're about to get your wings. Me: Great! Buffalo or BBQ? God: Get out.

   I went into take my shower this morning and accidently washed my hair with Dog Shampoo. But on the upside, at least I don't have to worry about getting fleas.

   # For someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, he sure does do alot of talking.

   # They should call the daily press briefing, the daily depress briefing.

   Its friday night! Querentine facebook party going done on my wall tonight and your all invited!

   If you want to save some money, now might be a good opportunity to tell your kids that Santa did not survive the pandemic

   # He pretends to be ivy league. When he's actually more bowling league.

   Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today, and nextday

   Sitting here wondering. Did anyone ever figure out where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

   Wish facebook would stop showing me dating websites as, besides the fact Iv never felt the need to use one, I don't think this would be a stella time to go out and mingle with strangers.