Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Home quarantine going great so far but not sure what day it is or what hour it is and I’m not really sure where I parked.

   Face timing people vs seeing them in person during this virus thing is the same as eating pu$$y with a balloon on your tongue.

   This isolation was getting to me, so yesterday I decided to go jogging. Big mistake. My thighs kept rubbing together and my legs caught on fire.

   All of us are tools to some degree. It's just that some are jackhammers and some are 1/4" nut drivers.

   This quarantine got me thinking… What did our parents do to pass time before the Internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and none of them knew either.

   I’ve got your stimulus package right here.

   One of the hazards of sheep farming must be trying to stay awake while taking inventory.

   Day 4 without a shower. I hope stink kills the virus!

   Animal rights activists are currently looking for rabbits to volunteer for vaccine testing.

   I guarantee there's a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks 'Covid' would be a lovely name for their child.

   Whoever said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store clearly lied. Everyone else had clothes on.

   Last night was amazing out dancing and singing with all my friends together celebrating the end of the Coronavirus!....until our garbage truck outside woke me up :/

   I've absorbed so much disinfectant and soap that when I pee I clean the toilet

   Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing mask and gloves. Now you all out here looking like you wanna be starting something.

   I love that ordering delivery now feels like helping the country & rebuilding the economy whereas before it just felt lazy & financially irresponsible. #WednesdayThoughts #SaferAtHome

   So when do we start the old people offerings to the Dow — I believe he's the brother of Zeus and Poseidon — God of the Economy & Bailout Bonuses?

   Day #....idk....of staying home and everything is great! even though I don't know what day this is, or how many days I've been awake, or if I can eat these flowers?

   not even a virus outbreak can help yall come up with good stuff

   Check out the hypocrisy in the post below. Whines about no humorous posts, but doesn't come up with a humorous way to do it.

   The world all of a sudden feels like a casual stroll through a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit at the end of a busy weekend.