Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway

   behind every strong girl is an a$$hole who made her that way

   believes that if politicians don't have to pay their taxes, we shouldn't either

   A New York animal shelter is seeking donations of Viagra to treat a pit bull. I'm thinking that this is going to be one of the most frightning animals on the planet.

   yes I lost my virginity but at least I still have the box it came in!

   and I talk to myself on my Facebook wall... I'M AWESOME....I'M AWESOME

   you can't blame men for the forest depletion. As long as we are wearing clothes, we don't need napkins, think of the trees we have saved by getting greasy hands clean on our pants....

   Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom to realize how low they can actually go.

   It feels like we haven't seen each other in years Why don't you join me for a couple of beers clink cheers

   Terrance & Phillip should've really done the "lighting of the torch" during the Winter Olympics back then.....too late now.

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

   Ultimate space? Kiss my A$$!!!! Find a better way...losers!!!!

   i need you like a water needs tea bag. You make me stronger

   I've always wondered what would happen if I deleted my recycle bin...

   I can't help but wonder how police handcuff people with one arm?

   Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...

   I dont do jokes about the Spanish....... no way Jose!

   For a guy who isn't affected by gravity, I'm pretty down to earth

   Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF

   Woman's Favorite Position is CEO.