Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5899 of 6370
It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.
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05-25-2010 03:35 by Mduduzi
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Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.
you may be an engineer if you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
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05-25-2010 00:37
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My Bathroom scale just did 0 to 235 in 3 seconds, who needs a sports car? Wow thats fast........
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05-25-2010 00:16 by Corey C
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my wife hates fish especially the smell, so I took it upon myself to fry up 3 lbs of salmon 30 minutes before she comes home...
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05-25-2010 00:04
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getting outta the shower on a cold day only to realize there isnt a towel in sight... priceless... guess i'll just use my dirty t-shirt..
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05-25-2010 00:03
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I got water trapped in my ears after taking a shower.. It was a near deaf experience
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05-24-2010 21:22 by sellers
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A Chicken Sandwich walks into a bar, and orders some food & beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
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05-24-2010 20:34 by Aaron
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Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
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05-24-2010 20:27
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Truly loveing another means letting Go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, eather good or bad
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05-24-2010 20:01 by Ricky Ray
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Great ideas often receive violent opposition from mediocre minds
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05-24-2010 19:55 by Tracy
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For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
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05-24-2010 19:52 by Aaron
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This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have received further instructions on where to go and what to do.
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05-24-2010 18:58 by Aaron
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South African authorities are estimating that 40,000 sex workers will trickle in for the World Cup. Wow! I had no idea hookers like soccer so much!
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05-24-2010 18:46 by jdpower
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While I like the idiom "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar", it remains the unvarnished truth that sh!t attracts more flies than anything.
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05-24-2010 18:44 by jdpower
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If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?
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05-24-2010 18:39 by Aaron
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earns a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
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05-24-2010 18:33 by Aaron
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On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.
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05-24-2010 18:32 by Aaron
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Today is . . . the tomorrow you thought about yesterday.
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05-24-2010 18:22 by Aaron
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Would you rather be a ginormous hampster or a tiny rhinocerous?
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05-24-2010 18:06 by Aaron
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