Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5893 of 6371
Facebook account for sale, Friends included
←Rate |
05-27-2010 15:04 by BEGO
Comments (2)
thinks Facebook keeps trying REALLY hard to connect me with people I'm desperately trying to avoid.
←Rate |
05-27-2010 15:03 by BEGO
Comments (0)
Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes remember it the next day.
I disliked Obama before it was cool.......Yes I did!
←Rate |
05-27-2010 14:31 by Bill
Comments (1)
"This Cold Medicine Lasts 8 Hours" is the "I Promise I'll Pull Out, Baby" of the pharmaceutical industry.
←Rate |
05-27-2010 14:30 by Leeferd
Comments (0)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the cl!toris is
←Rate |
05-27-2010 14:28 by PAULB808
Comments (0)
In every Red Lobster tank, there's one lobster who says: "You guys are so paranoid! It's great here! I love the view!"
←Rate |
05-27-2010 14:27 by Leeferd
Comments (0)
..is having a threesome with two men tonight : Ben &Jerry. x
I like to hit snooze a couple of times before I wake up, but my girlfriend likes to hit me a couple of times until I wake up.
←Rate |
05-27-2010 13:41 by Joser
Comments (0)
I have the same body I've always had. Adjusted for inflation, of course...
←Rate |
05-27-2010 13:40 by Joser
Comments (0)
Collecting my thoughts... I almost have a whole set!
←Rate |
05-27-2010 13:39 by Joser
Comments (0)
Apparently when the interviewer asks if you speak any other languages, the appropriate response is NOT "Innuendo" followed by a saucy wink.
←Rate |
05-27-2010 13:19 by Joser
Comments (0)
Here I sit, all broken hearted. Had to sh*t, but only farted. Till one day, I took a chance. Tried to fart, and sh*t my pants
←Rate |
05-27-2010 13:18 by Joser
Comments (1)
Time to go foot race the homeless man again! If he wins I give him $50. He's got faster since I first started doin this
←Rate |
05-27-2010 13:04
Comments (0)
Never get directions from the illiterate. "Turn left on Cave" is actually, "turn left on C Ave."
←Rate |
05-27-2010 12:35 by Leeferd
Comments (0)
Create me a phone that, when I get a call from someone I do not like, it goes straight to voice mail. When they do, I will then accept it as a “Smart Phone.”
←Rate |
05-27-2010 12:28
Comments (2)
1 Hairspray and 2 tons of make up still dont replace brain!!!
I think the american people should be allowed to show the BP executives and some of these clowns in our government just what a true "JUNK SHOT" is
←Rate |
05-27-2010 11:59
Comments (0)
Your luck is so bad, that if I put a bucket of pu*sy in front of you, you would reach in pull out an a**hole!!
←Rate |
05-27-2010 10:03 by Jeff
Comments (0)
thinks that bread is to ducks as dollars are to strippers, ya feed one and three are waiting next in line..
←Rate |
05-27-2010 08:46 by Jay
Comments (0)