Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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You know since my son was never born, seein' as how i've never actually had consensual sex without money being involved, i've always considered you to be, well, something I could live next door to in accordance with State law 
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
if history repeats itself then she guesses she won't be rich and famous in her next life!
Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
...the monkey's out of the bottle, man.
And the Hedonist of the Year award goes Charlie Harper, who couldn't be with us tonight. Accepting the award on his behalf is Charlie Sheen. Oh, wait ... what's the difference? =p
been searching and searching all her life, and STILL can't find the yellow brick road!
Captain's log, stardate 41358.2. I am nailed to the hull.
Where does steel wool come from?
I expect 2011 AMA performances will include Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and supergroup N*KOTBSB 182 Degrees...
I am not afraid of heights... I am afraid of widths.
Zuckerberg only won Time's Person of the Year because he defaulted the ballots to vote for him & nobody could figure out how to change them.
The next pay it forward status I see I'm going to respond Hopefully we barely know each other and they live really really far away. Take that stranger. I want cookies delivered to my door.
-2-Face contact with this so called "Future-me" or it could have serious affects on the way of life as I know it now... "I knew I would own a Delorean one day... HIGH FIVE
Florida and Texas send out a zombie alert to residents.
Continuing to play the victim is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Blaming others for your situation in life will indeed make you a victim but the abuser will be your own self, not life or those around you.
See you in tea ~ say it, slower, spell it
What do you do if you are an atheist and your stuck behind a car that has a "HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS" bumber sticker?
To end the Corvid how about we give those who don't really need $600 extra per week to go on vacation with so they stay home.
Why am I sleeping on the couch? well lets put it this way she caught me talking on the phone last night and it was not Jake from State farm 