Funny Status Messages

   Been on hold so long I forgot who I called. Got a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't narrow it down much.

   I went to have Botox, the surgeon said to me "That's $8000 dollars please" I couldn't even looked shocked.

   considered being a stay-at-home mom but then I found out the kids would be there too.

   I hired Helen Waite as my assistant. So if you need anything from me you must go to Helen Waite.

   if you're ever feeling down just remeber: you were that ONE sperm that made it.

   i'll be burger king and you'll be mcdonalds...ill be doing it my way and you'll be lovin it

   i'll be burger king and you'll be mcdonalds...ill be doing it my way and you'll be lovin it

   Osama Bin Ladin has announced he's giving up. It's too tough to compete with B.P

   What is the difference between the English soccer team and an albatross? An albatross has 2 good wings.

   t is my sincere hope that your day is full of love and that you are a positive influence on the people who look up to you. It is also my sincere hope that Perez Hilton pours kerosone all over himself, down his throat and in his socks & immolates himself

   IEBER FEVER: Symptoms include elevated temperature, undergarment wetting and nine octave higher range while screeching. For those in proximity of sufferers symptoms include nausea, vomiting and desire to kick Justin Bieber in his empty sack gonads

   Lady Gaga is a Yankees fan. Point: Mets.

   What is the difference between English soccer and Bill Clinton? Bill Clinton can score.

   Does the North Korean World Cup team get to choose their method of execution when they get home?

   7up made in Portugal will be banned in North Korea

   It'll be a while before hearing a commentator say: "Tiger Woods struggles to come from behind" doesn't make me giggle.

   wouldnt it be ironic if you died in the living room ?

   lets be REAL with ourselves.....if you say "no homo" after your sentence...ummm your homo

   Every woman on facebook wants to be a Model, Every man wants to do a model....so I guess it works out

   maybe you should wait until the food cools before stuffing it in your mouth like you've never eaten b4 causing you to spit it back out and still be hungry....see how that goes