Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5784 of 6367

   messageicon Bank Teller: "Sir, your account is overdrawn." Me: "So are your eyebrows, but you made it work, didn't you?"
←Rate | 03-16-2019 07:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Devil worshipers crack me up. Why would you worship a diety that lost a fiddle contest to some Georgia hillbilly?
←Rate | 03-16-2019 07:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I can never be serous on facebook as it's just a website that shouldn't be taken too seriously. Like seriously.
←Rate | 03-16-2019 09:36 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a parent my diet over the year has primarily consisted of all the food my kids have left on their plates.
←Rate | 03-16-2019 20:28 by CoolguyB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Netflix, I like the foreign movies you play but nein sprechen sie Deutsch, so please stop playing one's without subtitles I don't understand. Thanks
←Rate | 03-16-2019 20:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one hits me with an egg and gets away with it!
←Rate | 03-17-2019 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To celebrate St Patrick's Day, I think I'll go to my favorite Irish restaurant. McDonalds.
←Rate | 03-17-2019 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm Irish for a day.
←Rate | 03-17-2019 13:26 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Mmmmmm, I want some hamberders.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 12:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‪I need a tax person who’s not afraid of prison. ‬
←Rate | 03-19-2019 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm holding a Twitter conspiracy meeting tonight. Don't tell Devin.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cop: Sir,do I have your permission to search your vehicle ? Me: If I say no,will you bring the K-9 unit out ? Cop: Yes ! Me: Can I pet the dog ?
←Rate | 03-19-2019 20:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My noise reduction feature on my new hearing aid dosen't work..... I can still hear my wife yapping.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 20:46 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put my fitbit on the refrigerator handle. Amazing, my daily activity has increased 10 fold....that's the ticket....
←Rate | 03-19-2019 23:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon What's the dumbest thing you ever believed as a child? That people above 18 years of age are automatically adults.
←Rate | 03-20-2019 00:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just so everybody's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.
←Rate | 03-20-2019 11:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life lesson 249: A short temper is not a sign of strength.
←Rate | 03-21-2019 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife asked me "What was the last movie you watched that made you cry?" "Our wedding video." was not the right answer.
←Rate | 03-22-2019 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beto is like the guy that gets cut from the High School football team and says now he's going to join the NFL
←Rate | 03-22-2019 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, "Who's Siri?"
←Rate | 03-22-2019 15:51 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left