CoolguyB Funny Status Messages

   My kids are growing up and I guess that means I'm getting older...that's not what saddens me...what saddens me is that the kids no longer eat for free when we go out anymore.

   As a parent my diet over the year has primarily consisted of all the food my kids have left on their plates.

   If I were ever to win the lottery, first thing I'd do is hire someone to clean my kids room...and then buy some chicken wings with the $20 I have left over.

   "I've made a lot mistakes in my life, but just know you were never one of them" -ME (looking at my triple bacon cheeseburger...extra bacon).

   People who cheat on their taxes disgust me...this is not the world I want to raise my 32 dependents in! 😉

   The TV show 'Hoarders' is ok and all but I liked it so much better when it was called 'Sanford and Son'.

   I hate when I eat my last bite of food, not realizing it was the last bite,then immediately get sad because I wasn't able to mentally prepare myself. 🥓🍕🍔🍲😥

   Chip clips are for quitters!

   Me: [donating my body to Science] Science: [donates my body to Goodwill] Goodwill: [Leaves body on their lawn, with a sign that says "Free..please take!"] 🤷