Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5741 of 6369
not in a mood to update her status, So let it remain EMPTY.. :P :P
Some people say I'm too brutally honest. The truth hurts... and I don't carry band-aids.
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07-24-2010 10:41 by Leeferd
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Life lesson....never put Preparation H next to the toothpaste in the morning.....YUCK!
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07-24-2010 10:10 by MHENRY
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Can someone explain to me why I just bought a pack of Sweet Tarts and a sugar free drink?
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07-24-2010 07:22
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..just has this way of lighting up a room whenever she walks in. She flips a switch.
I hope the trend of businesses placing hand sanitizers everywhere soon extends to ATMs.Imagine what germs the slobs who use my ATM are carrying,considering they can't even bother to either take their receipts or throw them in a garbage can 6 inches away
If Apple bought out ihop no one would ever know..
according to the color of my pee, I had a great night last night!
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07-24-2010 00:50 by geez
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I am my own worst enemy, and the enemy has gas weaponry.
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07-24-2010 00:45 by br549
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Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.
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07-23-2010 23:51 by BEGO
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I wish I had more middle fingers.
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07-23-2010 23:25 by Vito
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My bank just called me because of suspicious activity on my debit card. They couldn't believe I bought a gym membership either.
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07-23-2010 23:23 by Vito
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I wish I could delete all the cookies I ate last night
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07-23-2010 23:22 by Vito
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According to my nipples, I'm freezing!
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07-23-2010 23:22 by Vito
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I saw a girl with "GUESS" on her shirt. I said "fake?". she slapped me!!
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07-23-2010 23:07 by BEGO
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A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man." :)
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07-23-2010 23:06 by BEGO
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aye Justin Bieber Imma let you finish but Ricky Martin is the best gay singer of all time! All Time!
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07-23-2010 22:17
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Ladies that tattoo of the sun rising out of your butt-crack looks great now however when you're 60 it's an octopus chasing a starfish.
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07-23-2010 21:52
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Wonders if Prince Albert is aware of the piercing that is named after him?
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07-23-2010 21:46
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A woman robbed a McDonalds wearing mens underware on her head. No get-away vehicle was described however there were skid marks.
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07-23-2010 21:39
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