Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump
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Facebook Trick! Press Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Enter then left click Then Scroll Up And Down up & down and magic circles will appear! lmfao! To stop this - refresh your page THIS WORKS - TRY IT! THEN COPY & PASTE THIS TO YOUR S 
Bank Robbery should be legal...afterall, they rob me everytime I turn around!
If you do something you'll regret in the morning, SLEEP TILL NOON!
Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.
This little piggy went to market.This little piggy stayed at home.This little piggy had roast beef.This little piggy had none.And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein 1 neuraminidase protein 1.
a confused vas deferens, it doesnt know if its coming or going...
After my divorce, I realised that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
may appear offline
just tossed his wifes salad... with a lovely sesame ginger vinaigrette.
recommends staying away from Camp Crystal Lake today.
filled with corn syrup, artificial ingredients and regret
thinks running around a field whilst waving a metal pole in the air is way more exciting when lightning is involved
: Happy Friday the 13th!! Hockey mask... Check... Machete... Check...
loves it when his wife butters his toast.
did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a whiffle ball bat...
wishes he was in Tijuana, eating BBQ'd iguana.
It's Friday 13th. I think I'm going to break a mirror, walk under a ladder, let a black cat walk past me, open an umbrella indoors, spill some salt, wear a hat to bed, step on a crack in the sidewalk.... then call somebody I hate and see if she wants to
I got 2 chickens to paralyze. Thanks Eddy Money for getthing that song into my head this morning. On a side note, I'm getting hungry for KFC.
thinks there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room; and if they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.
just doesn't get it. I go through the drive thru at BK and I hand the kid my credit card. He asks me if it's an American Express... He had my card in his hand; what do you suppose he thought the orange and yellow Mastercard logo was?