Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Tommorow I am going to finish every conversation with "ACCORDING TO THE PROPHECIES"
←Rate | 09-24-2009 21:02 by Daniel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Laugh…and the world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically, for no apparent reason, and they'll leave you alone.
←Rate | 09-24-2009 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hang on a sec, I'm about this close to getting the hi-score on Donkey Kong!!
←Rate | 09-24-2009 11:54 by Taj Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to know whats up with girls and big-ass sunglasses. You don't pollinate flowering plants.
←Rate | 09-24-2009 09:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with... "according to the prophecy"
←Rate | 09-24-2009 05:22 by Ace Comments (0)  

   messageicon the problem with being punctual is that there is rarely anyone there to appreciate it
←Rate | 09-24-2009 05:21 by Ace Comments (0)  

   messageicon so manly not even his sentences have periods
←Rate | 09-23-2009 14:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon consulting the "magic 8-ball" for al decisions today!
←Rate | 09-23-2009 11:02 by TK Comments (0)  

   messageicon repairing a huge hole in my living room wall, Damn You, Kool-Aid man...
←Rate | 09-23-2009 02:08 by Hunter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Deleting my browser history almost makes me feel like I never cyberstalked you in the first place
←Rate | 09-23-2009 00:29 by Piney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So lets all get wasted and have the time of our lives!
←Rate | 09-21-2009 23:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesnt want to die, not because he is afraid of death but because he is worried about all the crap people will find on his computer when hes gone.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 18:35 by Ashden Ras Comments (0)  

   messageicon if youre gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 16:07 by Mackie Ahart Comments (0)  

   messageicon Milton's stapler!
←Rate | 09-21-2009 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks 'friends with benefits' should came with a health care package..
←Rate | 09-21-2009 15:04 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon feels like something funny is gonna happen...I'm sitting next to a blackman, whiteman and a chineseman. I'm just waiting on the punchline!
←Rate | 09-21-2009 09:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you always stop to smell the roses, sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 03:18 by DD Comments (0)  

   messageicon me+alcohol+nintendo64=profanity out the ass
←Rate | 09-20-2009 22:39 by that guy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey dude... There's your car!
←Rate | 09-20-2009 21:20 by Kal-El Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes you were beer
←Rate | 09-20-2009 20:20 by LB Comments (0)  

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