Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Silly rabbit tried to steal my damn trix.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 23:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be careful the bridges you burn today may be the very ones you will one day have to cross!
←Rate | 03-03-2010 23:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon examining one of his patients. Took the husband aside and said: Your wife doesn't look too good. Husband said: I know but she's got an awesome personality...
←Rate | 03-03-2010 22:34 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth like 12 points
←Rate | 03-03-2010 22:25 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 03-03-2010 22:19 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says"Why do you think that?". The man says, "well, the s*x is still the same but the laundry is piling up."
←Rate | 03-03-2010 21:36 by British Bob Comments (3)  

   messageicon thinks directing a few airplanes at JFK would be child's play.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 19:41 by Marymc Comments (5)  

   messageicon says....I was concerned that my goldfish was epileptic, so I took it to the Vet. "Looks fine to me" they said. I said "But you haven't taken it out of the water yet!"
←Rate | 03-03-2010 19:35 by Lori Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a fleck on the speck on the tail On the frog on the bump on the branch On the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 19:31 by Peebs Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pay no mind to those who speak behind your back. It just means that you are ahead of them.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 19:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This bill collector called my house for the last time today. I told him just like it is... You call my house 1 more time and I'm taking your name out the hat. I put everybody's name in a hat, at the end of the week I draw a name and that's the one I pay.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 18:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon changed the title of today from: Bill Paying Day to Check Writing Day. Yes, I am writing checks...but the bills are not necessarily gonna get paid. We'll see who posts them at the bank faster! Moooowahahahahaha
←Rate | 03-03-2010 18:15 by Hot Tea Comments (1)  

   messageicon ..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 17:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you're fat when you sit in the bath and the water in the toilet rises.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 17:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relationships are like farts... If you push too hard, things could get messy!
←Rate | 03-03-2010 16:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 16:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  

   messageicon I got caught masturbating to a National Geographic magazine. I don't know who was more embarrassed; me or my Dentist.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 16:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Party every day that begins with the letter T. Tuesday and Thursday? Nah, TODAY and TOMMOROW! :)
←Rate | 03-03-2010 16:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if Jewish Rabbi get paid for circumcision or do they just keep the tips???
←Rate | 03-03-2010 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today, I was told I was being too patronising which means I was treating them like they were stupid.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 16:03 by bigedusw Comments (1)  

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