Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon 30 minutes? I want to hear that from the pizza. Put the pizza on the phone!
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:28 by Joser Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm picturing you naked right now. Airbrushed, Photoshopped and digitally enhanced, but totally naked...
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:27 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your dependence on oxygen is where our similarities end...
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:27 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or is Tim Tebow already the most talked about white Bronco sine OJ and AC?
←Rate | 04-23-2010 12:40 by ︻╦╤▬ Felesar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yo mama's so fat that when she was cremated, half of the flights to Europe were cancelled..
←Rate | 04-23-2010 12:20 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Plagiarism on FB is getting really bad...I made my status "Going to Work" and within a few minutes, over a 100 people stole it...
←Rate | 04-23-2010 11:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm hopping in the DeLorean with the Doc to travel back in time to Wednesday to buy a Powerball ticket. Between the other winner and I there will be $258 million dollars and one full set of teeth.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 11:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just realized I make the same noises when I eat pizza that I do during my "happy time"
←Rate | 04-23-2010 11:18 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In Morse code
←Rate | 04-23-2010 10:58 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jack and Jill went up the hill, but Jack ran out of breath, undaunted Jill got up her will and she went down with Beth.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 10:18 by Paul Comments (0)  

   messageicon oh dear... I seemed to have lost my diet instead of the weight...
←Rate | 04-23-2010 09:47 by Rachael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if its broke but you can still see the crack in that motha fu**a reflection” - Beyonce & Gaga
←Rate | 04-23-2010 09:45 by Wes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up. DO NOT DO THIS IT IS A SCAM.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 09:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fast food drive thru 5 me 0, can you get my order right please!
←Rate | 04-23-2010 08:40 by mhenry Comments (0)  

   messageicon making it look she has an IPad by drawing out the internet on her Etch-a-Sketch.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 08:37 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can make the same drive 100's of times but a good dense fog makes it feel like a totally new experience.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 08:28 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon a ►er!
←Rate | 04-23-2010 08:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon what are the bumps around a womans nipples for?it's braille for "suck here"
←Rate | 04-23-2010 08:17 by Abel254 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear fellow person looking for the lady popping out kids every 10 seconds I have found that lady! her name is Michelle Duggar.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering how Mel Kiper can look at himself in the mirror and not want to kill himself over the guilt of getting paid to be such a terrible "expert" in his field.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 07:25 by ︻╦╤▬ Felesar Comments (0)  

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