Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5648 of 5819

   messageicon wants to be like one of those cool tv dads like Bill Cosby. So he is sending his wife to Law School and starting a Medical practice in his basement
←Rate | 01-05-2010 17:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you feel neglected think of a mother salmon who lays 3,000,000 eggs and no one remembers her on Mother's Day
←Rate | 01-05-2010 17:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last week I sent my friend a pile of snow. I called her today and asked "Did you get my drift?"
←Rate | 01-05-2010 17:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if one took up dancing in the southern hemisphere, if it would be considered "pole" dancing
←Rate | 01-05-2010 16:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It was recently reported that House Speaker Pelosi stated that "There has never been a more open process" regarding the Health Care Reform Bill." Which begs the question, is she smoking marijuana for a medical condition?
←Rate | 01-05-2010 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 14:37 by Cassie Comments (0)  

   messageicon was told recently that it really doesn't constitute stalking if you inform the other party. I like that. So, Greater Facebook Community, I'm probably stalking you.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jets fans relax, I know being in the playoffs is exciting but the bengals let you win so enjoy it while it last....... Cause it's over come Saturday.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 12:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is too short for regrets, so after mortally wounding your enemies, learn to forgive yourself and move on
←Rate | 01-05-2010 11:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hold on to your shovels, its going to be a long winter!!
←Rate | 01-05-2010 11:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't get greater in life if your still tryin to get even.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 11:25 by Foxy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it. "
←Rate | 01-05-2010 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..i thought it was sweet of my boss to gather us all together and warn us of the massive amounts of snow expected overnight and to drive carefully... then also warn us to "show up to work tomorrow or else". Aww they really DO care!
←Rate | 01-05-2010 10:44 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 10:10 by mike t. Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have 5,000 channels I cannot watch since they are in spanish, but they take away Food Network and HGTV from me......... Cablevision you are a disgrace, what the hell am I paying you to much money for!!! Damm you Cablevision, damm you!
←Rate | 01-05-2010 09:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twister. Its all fun and games til the cat comes up pregnant
←Rate | 01-05-2010 09:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon applied to be an exotic dancer and had to audition. They are stupid, I know for a fact, that the chicken dance is sexier naked.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 09:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Victoria Secrets catalog just arrived, my wife has informed me that none of the women are real, just cgi and photoshop....sigh!
←Rate | 01-05-2010 07:53 by Tad Comments (0)  

   messageicon he can't pull a rabbit from a hat , but he can pull a hare from his hole
←Rate | 01-05-2010 04:22 by james Comments (0)  

   messageicon not bothered by that fact that knowone understands him, its the reality that most of the time he doesnt understand himself; thats what scares him.
←Rate | 01-05-2010 03:56 by GabrielBelmont Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left