Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm like a rubix cube the more you play with me the harder I get!!
←Rate | 11-06-2009 04:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now currently accepting resumes for a Full and/or Part time girlfriend. All applicants may apply within. You will be contacted with a call back if you meet the appropriate requirements. Thank you
←Rate | 11-06-2009 04:02 by Jesse Michek Comments (0)  

   messageicon Exercise programme: Take one Weetabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar.Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. Voila. Aerobix.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 02:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ate Humpty Dumpty for breakfast and ain't nothing that the King's men can do about it!
←Rate | 11-06-2009 00:50 by Tee Comments (0)  

   messageicon excited when her friend asked her to come and see saw, then dismayed when we drove straight past the playground and arrived at the cinema...
←Rate | 11-06-2009 00:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon May Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan ROT IN HELL!!! What is wrong with this world...It is a sad, sad day for Ft. Hood , TX ... thoughts and prayers go out to all the innocent people that lives were lost and forever changed by the events of someone they trusted
←Rate | 11-05-2009 21:34 by kristi Comments (0)  

   messageicon just realized there's a website that you can search for all the sex offenders that live within 25 miles of your zip code, check it out!!
←Rate | 11-05-2009 20:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon was in Wal-mart today. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just want to point out to you all that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!..just saying...
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:25 by kristi Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kobe Bryant played last night for the Lakers against despite flu like symptoms. Apparently neither team was worried about H1N1 - it's Kobe, he never passes anything.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:08 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon planning his life #1 get married #2 get a house #3 have a baby #4 Sell baby for dream car #5 have another baby
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..just watched a DVD that was 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated movie.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:26 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last week,i did a bit of stand up at an old folks home. Tough crowd. They wouldn't answer my Knock-Knock jokes until I showed some I.D.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon just realized after a session of je...ummm...I mean after cleaning and then wiping the sweat off while catching my breath, that one forearm is quite bigger than the other one. I wonder if that is hereditary.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 17:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon building a weather balloon. But in my hoax, stay with me folks, I'll be using my imaginary transgendered hermaprodite pool boy, Joachim as the curious and missing victim. It's foolproof. There's no way this will go wrong.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 17:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon feeling warm all over. Now the part I hate, cleaning up.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 17:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon petrified and dismayed. Since when does the boogeyman where a cassock, a white collar and carry a book with a red ribbon marker?
←Rate | 11-05-2009 17:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Excited to go see saw, but then we pasted the park and went to the movie theater.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 16:40 by Jenna Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went To The Library To Get A "Wheres Waldo" Book, But When I Got There I Couldn't Find It...Well Played, Wally. Well Played.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 16:36 by Jenna Comments (0)  

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