Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 05:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just started the all donut diet, or as I like to call it, Glazed Anatomy.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 05:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're happy, don't ask questions. Isn't that right ?
←Rate | 02-05-2010 03:18 by Mmz Comments (0)  

   messageicon dont cry because it is because it happened..!!
←Rate | 02-05-2010 03:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks playing COD with a laggy internet connection, is way harder than giving birth.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 01:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Note to self, when meeting uncle Jack at the airport never scream "Hi Jack!!" ..again
←Rate | 02-05-2010 00:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - Oh Facebook, you go through more Design Changes than I go through Women.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 23:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Confucius he say, man who sit on tall toilet is high on pot...
←Rate | 02-04-2010 23:20 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why did some make a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group on facebook??
←Rate | 02-04-2010 23:10 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends teach you what you WANT to know. Enemies teach you what you NEED to know.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't fail. I succeed at finding what doesn't work.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a one-in six-billion chance that you'll find your soulmate. And that's if they're not dead
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon living in my own little world, but its ok they know me here...
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:28 by \"J\" Comments (0)  

   messageicon Confucius say: Man who go to sleep with sexual problem, wake up with solution in hand....
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:21 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

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