Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Am I the only one that when I see a "Siemens" commercial I giggle?
←Rate | 01-31-2010 12:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Facebook is running slower than my brain before breakfast, they should probably fix the problem asap.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 08:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just realized you can re-arrange the letters in Federal Stimulus to spell "Failed Result Sum."
←Rate | 01-31-2010 07:31 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some things are best kept between you and your neighbours. Like a fence.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 06:00 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Politicians are like diapers: they need to be changed frequently and for the same reason.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 05:29 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to be 9' tall and blue so I can plug my hair into my orange dragon thing and fly to the floating mountains. Am I on drugs? No, but someone ought to test James Cameron!
←Rate | 01-31-2010 05:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thankful for friends whom willingly travel to the ends of the earth to search for the plot that he/she managed to lose; and yet be gracious enough not to cast judgement on its condition when they find it.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 21:57 by Bindi Boo Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dad called Justin Bieber a tool. My life is complete.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 21:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 21:02 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon For all you with "it's complicated" as your status, FB has a new, more truthful option. Because what you really want to say is, "In a relationship, until something better comes along, which shouldn't be too long cuz this dude is on my LAST friggin nerve!
←Rate | 01-30-2010 20:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of course,men can multitask. They read on the toilet.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 20:54 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon throwing skittles at people and yelling "TASTE THE FLIPPIN RAINBOW''
←Rate | 01-30-2010 19:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just mugged a florist....that guy's lookin' like a fool with his plants on the ground....
←Rate | 01-30-2010 18:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon used to be famous, but moved away and changed her name because she had too many fans.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 18:06 by random101 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guess all those years of phone sex have caught up with me I have hearing aids
←Rate | 01-30-2010 17:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ok... Apparently its illegal to paint yourself blue and run around in the big leafy plant section at Walmart's and shout "Neytiri... I want you!"
←Rate | 01-30-2010 16:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If love is a game..where can I buy the multiplayer-version?
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:43 by Kobrah Comments (0)  

   messageicon A friend of mine once commented that huamns are the only species to go out of our way to obtain milk after we've been weaned, I replied that we were the only species with cookies.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:38 by Kobrah Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love your approach. Now let's see about your departure.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:16 by jake Comments (0)  

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