Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I believe my entire life is one complicated drinking game...
←Rate | 02-25-2010 17:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite part of our friendship is your tits...
←Rate | 02-25-2010 17:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This is a mean,cruel world & I want my nappy & medications right now!
←Rate | 02-25-2010 17:20 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks parents are only as good as their dumbest kid... If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 16:41 by Bricktop Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't think I'm ever going to win the lottery.. I can't even pick the pen that works from a choice of two at the lottery stand.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon found out that they don't like you to wear roller skates in the mall! Or maybe they were mad cuz I didn't have pants on...not sure which one.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 16:18 by Talsier Comments (0)  

   messageicon forgot how delicious Vanilla pudding Snack Packs are and regrets to inform his children that they will not be making it to their lunch boxes.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 15:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:39 Comments (1)  

   messageicon There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:23 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 13:05 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon It tastes like I coughed up blood...hello liver damage, I've been expecting you
←Rate | 02-25-2010 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fine Arts < Real Education
←Rate | 02-25-2010 11:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do
←Rate | 02-25-2010 10:41 by Dee Comments (6)  

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