Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told she looked cool.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Books, like friends, should be few, and well chosen.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just read an article on heavy drinking and it scared the sh*t out of me! So thats it!! After today no more f*cking reading!!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Some people say that one's personality is reflected off of their car... Well, I have no car."
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon lets flip a coin....heads I get tail and tails I get head!!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, did NOT see his shadow, meaning six more weeks of winter. In related news, George W. Bush was spotted blotting out the sun over North America this morning.....I'm sure he'll catch the blame, regardless.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 20:05 by JG Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?" No, but now my mailman does.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 17:45 by cj Comments (0)  

   messageicon saw a girl with a sweatshirt that said Abercrombie and Fitch. So I introduced myself..apparently that was not the names of her breasts..OUCH!!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:55 by Sweet Jonny Crash Comments (0)  

   messageicon beer may not be the answer but it helps you forget the question
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:55 Comments (0)  

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