Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Someone came up to me and said "T.G.I.F. Thank god its Friday!" I replied "S.H.I.T. Sorry hun,it's Thursday."
←Rate | 01-07-2010 12:24 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south. Hurricanes and tornados, people still go to work, but let a white flake fall out of the sky, and oh Sh*t!!!!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just started my new job as an Historian this morning. I've got a big day behind me.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says roses are red, violets are blue, you're my facebook friend, but I don't like you.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:04 by programmerguy1234 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would like to fist pump "The Situation" right in face!!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why Band*Aid doesnt make ethnically colored bandages
←Rate | 01-07-2010 10:57 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon should have been a Solid Gold dancer
←Rate | 01-07-2010 10:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon annoyed that he can't play UNO. The Mexican's keep stealing my green cards.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 10:05 by mullerman Comments (0)  

   messageicon if history repeats itself then she guesses she won't be rich and famous in her next life!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 09:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fripple - adj. Cold enough to freeze nipples. (etymology: combination of the words frozen and nipple) Ex. It is fripple cold outside,
←Rate | 01-07-2010 09:42 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon when the river runs red, take the dirt road...
←Rate | 01-07-2010 07:52 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..can't wait for a nice English summer. The warmth,the sun,the clear blue will be a nice couple of days...
←Rate | 01-07-2010 03:50 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Only Crimson Tide A Longhorn Fan is Afraid of Comes Once A Month From His Wife Or Girlfriend!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 02:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know Floyd Mayweather likes to dodge but this is ridiculous!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 02:11 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon still accidentaly writes 2009 instead of 2010... and this will probably continue until the end of February.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 01:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if it weren't for Angels & Demons I never would of known that priests make excellent helicopter pilots and they even know how to skydive, go figure.
←Rate | 01-06-2010 22:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon brought to you today by the neighbor's router
←Rate | 01-06-2010 22:41 by Sabrina Comments (0)  

   messageicon finds it interesting that most of the girls in the sex addiction meetings are either Pentecostal or Mennonite's
←Rate | 01-06-2010 22:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon note to self: learn that the word voltage is a bad thing before placing hands on the cables
←Rate | 01-06-2010 21:53 Comments (0)  

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