Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5549 of 6370
God I hate spending money on anything but myself.
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10-04-2010 14:58
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Ever notice how trying to give your heart to someone who doesn't want it is alot like trying to give medicine to an infant?
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10-04-2010 14:32
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Does that miracle weight loss program that made you lose 4 pant sizes come with a new wardrobe 4 sizes smaller....No? Then I can't afford it....
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10-04-2010 14:04 by mjsmitsz
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Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
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10-04-2010 12:45 by Logan.T
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Being a lot more reckless these days, ever since I found that 1-UP mushroom.
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10-04-2010 11:56 by Aaron
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Time for some nighttime sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever I can't feel my lips I think I just peed the bed medicine.
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10-04-2010 11:55 by Aaron
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How to impress a woman: kiss, hug, compliment, love, tease, protect, listen, support. How to impress a man: Show up NAKED with BEER!!!
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10-04-2010 11:37 by massena43
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seriously, if your a guy and a friend of mine and I catch you wearing a European shoulder bag, I will slap you silly! You can thank me when you get out of that dress!
wants to know: if you went to bed with a schizophrenic, would it count as a threesome? Just asking.....
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10-04-2010 10:38 by deithy
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thinks that tomorrow today will be yesterday
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10-04-2010 10:38
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How stupid is it when someone removes you as a friend, you ask them why and they say, "Why do you think, moron?"... Um, if I knew why, then would I be asking you dumbass?
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10-04-2010 09:57 by Wolfie
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that studies are showing that you can be obese & fit at the same time. Yep, that's me!
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10-04-2010 09:53 by JackieM
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contrary to what many believe, there are actually 3 rings to marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
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10-04-2010 09:44 by Nate
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yes I'm an A$$hole but I'm my defense that guy shouldn't have been walking that close to that puddle!
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10-04-2010 08:16
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says the people I work with are making me crazy, I think there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room. If the test shows they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.
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10-04-2010 07:53
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It should be illegal to be *required* to be up before noon.
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10-04-2010 05:44 by Wolfie
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Charlie Sheen is really coming to the defense of Lindsay Lohan. In fact, he's set up a website asking the media to leave her alone. The site is doing great, it's received almost as many hits as his wife.
It's your world, I just live and suffer in it.
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10-04-2010 01:49 by Wolfie
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Poke me again, and I will stab you.
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10-03-2010 22:04 by BEGO
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I hate mosquitoes!!! I mean, I know I'm delicious but damn...
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10-03-2010 22:02 by BEGO
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