Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like girls that smoke weed. You could say I have high standards.

   I get bored very easily. Stepping to the plate with me is challenging, I need someone who can please me mentally and physically.

   Funny how they call it common sense when it seems so rare.

   Ex-lover is short for Expired Lover.

   Some people are so strange. If you've seen a posted joke before... don't comment, just ignore it and move on.

   You don't have to like me, because I'm gonna force you to eventually.

   Words to live by: Never leave a cake out in the rain. It took so long to bake it, and you may never have that recipe again,

   The Wizard of Oz is 70 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz.

   Looks can be deceiving, so just turn around and I'll judge you by you booty

   Once you go Facebook - You never go back.

   Nothing personal, but if you're wearing one of those new plastic & velcro boot/cast things, stay the f*** away from me.

   When people walk away I check to make sure my phone is still there.

   Life's cruel when you think it is, life's happy when you feel it is, and life's best when you enjoy it as it is.

   you would think Mrs Brady would have got her crabs from Sam The Butcher...

   I hope Casey Anthony's punishment involves cleaning the children's ball pit at McDonald's......

   It doesn't matter how much you shout and yell at appliances they never listen to you!!!!

   Apparently I have "Sucker" written across my forehead that only women can see...well played XX chromosome, well played indeed...

   When I kiss you without uttering a single word, I am speaking to your soul.

   Its Funny How Some People Worry More About What Others Think Then What They Feel . . [ </3 ]

   In our city its not what you know. Its not who you know. Its what you know about who.