Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5428 of 6370
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
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11-12-2010 13:01 by Hannibal
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I Can't find my phone! Could you call it? Oh wait, it was only in my pocket.. haha got you're Number!"
Somthing always tells me, be camera ready when I go into Walmart..
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11-12-2010 12:07 by Wolf
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just saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was "About time. That comic strip has been lame for decades"
at this moment in time I could really punch someone in the face
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11-12-2010 10:50
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went to Wal-Mart this afternoon and discovered that some people think Febreeze is a substitution for doing laundry.
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11-12-2010 10:28 by Nate
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got pulled over and was told by the officer to walk the white line; I told "not without a net"
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11-12-2010 10:05
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new twinkie diet???? I been on that one since I was 5 yrs old!
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11-12-2010 10:02
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Every morning after my coffee I use the skills I learned while taking Lamaze classes: Breathing techniques, and timing the contractions.
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11-12-2010 10:00 by Mike M
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wondering if you have multiple personalities and threaten to kill yourself, is it considered a hostage situation?
wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome.
After watching the iRenew infomercial about 800 times, I finally bought it because it helps promote “Balance.” Well guess what? It didn't help with last night's sobriety test!
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11-12-2010 09:41 by Michael
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happy P.O.E.T.S. Day, everyone! Piss On Everything Tommrows Saturday.
Miami Heat Fan: "You wait, you watch and see next season we're gonna do this we're gonna do that" ...... Still Waiting lmao! Clevelands just as good without Lebron
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11-12-2010 08:29 by L
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Anyone can have knowledge, however it is only through age that you develop wisdom.
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11-12-2010 08:00 by AT
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Mom always said "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours.." THANK YOU FRIDAY!!, I Love You, too!!!! I've always loved you. You and I are belong together! This is wonderful! We shall celebrate your return!!
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11-12-2010 07:54 by lilninja
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Had sardines and cabbage last night... my gas was so bad my boys literally passed out and encountered minor memory loss and a slight bit of hallucination...But all is good cuz my momma always taught me to share
thinks it's funny that the Carnival cruise ship passengers were complaining about having no showers and eating nothing but Spam and Pop-Tarts. Right now thousands of male computer science majors are trying to find out how to sign up for the next cruise.
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11-12-2010 07:12 by markf
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can't get with this day light savings, I'm moving to Hawaii.
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11-12-2010 07:02 by L
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im not procrastinating, I just dont want to fing do it!!!
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11-12-2010 05:55
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