Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just found out that Lindsey Vonn had her gold medal taken away by Obama. The reason is that he is going down hill faster than she did.

   The “thank you wave”👋🏼 after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the one thing holding this fragile society together.

   Hurricane Isaac . Just like Obama, promises so much, but when it's time to get down and dirty, fails to deliver.

   "Living in the realm of thought, in my own world far away"

   God didn't create man. Man created God. #TRUTH

   if my girl cheat on me she better cheat with 6 strong guys that can carry her casket

   The word 'Microsoft' makes me think of chubby midgets

   back for the first time

   hopes he can buy Billy Mays beard, that thang is magnificent!

   ♫ Oh the weather outside is weather.... ♫

   Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark

   Before that van starts a'rockin, make sure that c*ck's got a stockin'!

   The reason a man can walk around shirtless with his beer gut hanging out and still feel sexy is because we ARE sexy.

   ♫ ♪ ♫♫ He ain't Peyton. ♪ ♫ ♫ He's his Brother ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'

   Good Lord that song " Red Solo Cup' is the dumbest song ever. I would have to kick my on a** if I wrote that song

   Breaking news .. Trump declares murder hornets to be a hoax ... fake news!

   lady caca was way better when she was madonna

   Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

   not every flower can say love, but a rose does. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus does. Not every retard can read... but look at you go!/€