Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A Woman's Football League would only be interesting to me if its raining and the uniform are white.

   The only thing worse than trying to lose at badminton is trying at badminton.

   There is nothing more awkward then when you take the last open urinal, then everyone else finishes up and leaves except you and the person next to you.

   I've paid for my sins. Now give me my change!

   Do video games cause violence? Why don't you ask these teens kicking all the animals at the petting zoo hoping they burst into coins.

   You ever get that feeling the case of beer is gonna rip and cans go everywhere? Well that just happened to me..

   I walked on to the bar patio and these two hot women started applauding me! or maybe they were just packing their cigarettes?? Naa I'm going with applause Either way it totally made my night!! rj

   I tried................... But I can't watch even 5 minutes of "Meet The Depressed" or "This Bleak with George Stephanopoulos".....

   Ever seen a chick so fine you swear that she must be a retard coz it wouldnt be fair for her to be that fine AND smart too?

   Just because you're perfectionist doesn't mean you're perfect; you might be hopelessly unhappy with yourself.

   I hate it when me and my subconscious is having a heated debate...and just when I come up with good comebacks, it thinks up a even better one! I thought about drinking on Friday, subconscious said "how about now!".... good one!

   The chupacabra does not deliver presents on Cinco De Mayo

   show me the benefits part and THEN i'll let you know if we can be friends

   It's hard for me to take the things you say seriously when I know what's been in that mouth of yours.

   I've heard the song 'This Is How We Do It' like a million times, but it's still very unclear to me.

   has some advice for the guys out there... Never put tiger balm on and then go to the bathroom.

   No, you idiot! I said 'avert' your eyes, not 'invert' them. Wow, that's disgusting!

   I'm not shy around women. I'm realistic.

   pick a number from 1 to 10 and add it to your age....think of a colour and clodse your eyes...................................dark isn't it?

   R.I.P to all the virginity that will be lost tonight.