Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wearing all cotton clothes while eating chicken, watermellon and drinking purple kool aide; while learning about black history month.

   If you think your microwave spying on you is bad… Guess what. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

   I see lots of millennials doing great stuff and think “we’re gonna be okay,” then I remember they absolutely adored the Jonas Brothers

   Are orphans allowed to watch PG movies? :/

   No you stupid assassins! I said BIEBER, not WINEHOUSE

   GO SEAHAWKS!

   ~ A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

   In honor of my childhood idol, Whitney Houston, who has been sober for 10 days now, I am giving up beer for Lent. She is a true inspiration and a hero...

   thanks Obama......my advent calendar has pictures of Repo-Men, foreclosure notices and disconnect notices.

   Tea Party = Undercover White Supremacy

   Are orphans allowed to watch PG movies???

   Dear Apple, I have a new product for you. It's called iAmPissed.

   Are you into fitness? Then you shouldn't have a problem fitness d*** in ur mouth!

   You'll have to excuse me for the next 72 hours. I am re watching seasons 1-5 of 'Lost' in dazzling 1080i and a tremendous surround sound

   Don Sterling in trouble for freedom of speech!!!

   Wow, woke up this morning and Al Gore's still right about global climate change, how about that?

   All those tree huggers should've let the loggers cut down all the forests!

   Obama is at a All Male Gay resort this weekend. True story.

   The White House was saddened by the passing of Dr. Jack Kevorkian, whom it planned to name its first chairman of the ObamaCare Death Panel.

   This bumber sticker says JESUS SAVES " HE MUST SHOP AT WALMART"