Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every day is Fat Tuesday for me because I'm Fat =(

   WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms

   Spring is here. I'm so excited, I wet my plants.

   known to cause cancer in the state of California

   I'm long, and I'm strong. And I'm down to get the friction on.

   if you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem

   My girlfriend has a cracking body. .... I think it's eczema.

   if your happy and you know it click you "like".........

   Sly Pakistani guy try to fly sky high to Dubai. We deny. Bye, bye!

   The NRA finally said how to tell a good guy with a gun from a bad guy with a gun. It involves pigmentation.

   If only he took the Coronavirus as serious as he did with windmill cancer.

   Notice when Obama was president, spring always came on time? Just saying......

   i love updating my status while dri

   God created sex. Priests created marriage

   ↖↖↖↖↖↖↖↑↗↗↗ ↗↗ ↗ ←← my friends are awesome →→ ↙↙↙↙↙↙↙↓↘↘↘ ↘ ↘ ↘

   Friends are like potatoes if you eat them they die

   I wish I could move out of country now, however immigrant laws of other countries prevent me from doing that... I hear the U.S is pretty lenient on immigrants, I might try there.... Doooope

   I just found out why Heidi Klum filed for divorce. Against her wishes....Seal would balance, spin, and bounce her up n' down on the tip of his nose whilst happily barking and clapping.

   Obama for Italy 2013

   I invented a steak sauce. The ingredients; Au Jus, Shiitake Mushrooms, and Vinegar. No one will market it. They have a problem with the name. I named after the three ingredients. What's so bad about: "Au Shiit Niga!"