Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sexual frustration should recharge phone batteries.

   I rear ended a midget with my car the other day. So he go out and looked at me and said, "Im not happy," so I asked, "So then what Dwarf are you?

   Trump's lack of empathy about Puerto Rico is staggering.

   BREAKING: Trump considering growing a funny little mustache.

   just got a Nintendo video game unit for my bathroom....it's called the Wii-Wii.

   Quit complaining abt Obama n stuff, WALKING DEAD4 premiers today n I can't see cos I lstay in Nigeria

   You haven't lived if you have never done a line of coke off a girl's ass.

   Don't forget to set your clocks back 200 years before you go to bed tonight.

   your just pissed because its NOT ILLEGAL TO BE WHITE...YET

   hopes Rush Limbaugh remembers to squeeze his fat a*s aboard Oxycontin Airlines and leave the country like he promised, now that health care legislation has been signed into law.

   living on the magic island of awesome

   is a practicable way to derive an attitude of altitude & probity by which to abide or maybe a theophany of flaming creosote in disguise...

   Every day is Fat Tuesday for me because I'm Fat =(

   WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms

   Spring is here. I'm so excited, I wet my plants.

   known to cause cancer in the state of California

   I'm long, and I'm strong. And I'm down to get the friction on.

   if you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem

   My girlfriend has a cracking body. .... I think it's eczema.

   if your happy and you know it click you "like".........