Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5035 of 6372
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I'm not so much offended by what Megyn Kelly says, but I'm offended that someone so dumb and foolish has her own TV show.
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did anyone else besides me use a brown marker to draw nipples on the neighborhood girls Barbies when they were kids?
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I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
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07-14-2011 20:55
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if our women with babies use little spoons and forks to feed them. what do chinese people use? tooth picks?
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06-14-2011 13:45 by MTQ
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls*it before....;)
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06-19-2011 13:17
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50 ways to leave your lover. Does one of them involve a chainsaw, garbage bag and an obscure cave in the mountains? Ok 51 ways!
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11-05-2009 09:45 by Tad
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You guys will NOT believe how much ice cream I just ate, but to give you a clue it was served in one of those orange construction cones.
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Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween, stood next to the Easter Bunny, and handed out eggs......
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10-20-2010 21:36
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Being told my breath smells like a sumo's kock with an onion ring around it wasn't funny, mom...
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07-06-2010 23:36
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puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again.
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04-04-2010 07:16
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Farmville? Fishville? I want to play Margaritaville. All I need is: 1800 Tequila, a pop-top and a woman to blame. But if I don't get them, I know it is my own damn fault.
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They always do things bigger in Texas.
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04-18-2013 00:39
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Please stop saying "My Valentine is my child." or "Jesus is my Valentine." Unfortunately, they don't count as real Valentine's.
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02-14-2013 14:07 by Jitney
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Why did the Gingerbread Man go to the Doctor?...............He was feeling Crummy
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12-11-2012 09:20
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People who own tampon companies have no conscience. How do they sleep at night, with all that blood money?
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09-03-2013 12:43 by Baddie
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Use yes and no once. 1) Are you gay?:_____ 2) Are you lying?:_____
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05-13-2012 23:28
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The Green Gay Fudge Packers are going down on Sunday!
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01-18-2011 13:46 by Da Bears!
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Maybe NYPD can use their new found love for back turning, the next time they see a dark skin person doing nothing wrong.
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12-31-2014 11:43 by Jbaby
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America: Elect a clown, expect a circus.
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04-17-2018 16:32 by BrazilGuy
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panicking at the disco
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09-25-2008 00:08 by Jovie
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