Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If someone from New Jersey bites you, are you from New Jersey? 
If I were a cop......Just as I get ready to taze someone I would say..............pikaaaaaaaaaa.........................CCCCHHHHHH UUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time travel:: like if you think it be cooler to go back in time..thu-mb down if travel into the future..???
Some relationships in life are like fat people, they don't work out.
Just ran into a girl I've jerked it to on facebook...met her for the first time in public today...let's just say...wat a creeper
The Universe will be in cosmic harmony once Michael J. Fox endorses the "Shake Weight", & Chris Brown the "Slap Chop".
My friend came over to my place for the first time this evening, I said "Just remember,my grandmother is a bit old & hard of hearing. So speak nicely,speak slowly & speak loudly." I then whispered to my perfectly capable grandmother "My friend is slightly
BREAKING NEWS: In a new Marital Sex Survey, women have reportedly faked all their answers ....
Dear Mr. Kotter, Juan was unable to complete his homework because he had to take me to the Doctor for my lumbago. Signed, Epstein's Mother RIP Robert Hegyes
Dear Mr Sandman ~ I think you lost my address for some reason. If you want to bring me a dream you can deposit it in my bank account!!
Does it count as naked if you're wearing a hat? I say yes.
swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
apologizing doesnt always mean ur wrong and the other person is right, just means you value ur realationship more then your ego.
I'm so gangsta that you change the channels with the remote sideways!
What's the right age to tell your kids Canada isn't real?
Did you hear about the woman who liked it in the ear? Everytime you try to put it in her mouth she'll turn her head...
1990: I like big butts and I can not lie! 2005: Booty, booty, booty, booty- rockin everywhere! 2011: Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!
In other news from Rome, the Italian police were tipped about a major pedophile ring gathering on the outskirts of Rome....Oh crap! It's the papal conclave. Nothing to do about that....yet!
Next time your at McDonald’s, point at the menu & say you’ll have a McSpaghetti w/ garlic bread. The look on cashiers face will be priceless
You know you're drunk when you swerve to miss a tree and it's the air freshener in your car!!!! 