Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   women are much smarter than men.Think about it,diamonds are girls' best friend...a mans best friend is a dog.

   Do fathers who live in barns say to their kids "Open that door! What do you live in a regular house?"

   my sub teacher in 11th grade was born without arms, he asked a girl "need a hand" & she laughed ..he should of slapped her!

   still embarrased about what I did for a klondike bar....that was 2 years ago leave it alone people..........

   Damn right I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days!!

   : How do you keep a facebook friend busy? Refresh this screen to find the answer.

   am no gynaecologist but am gonna look anyway!!!!!

   Men have Adam's apple, and women have Eve's cherry

   Love Walmart where everyone can Enter through the EXIT door and exit through an ENTER door!! What are we all on DRUGS??

   You're getting a cow? Maybe you mean a Muu Muu.

   If you look closely at my 13.1 sticker, you can see a tiny asterisk leading to another sticker that says " *ft."

   My biggest fear is meeting my soulmate in Arkansas and finding out she's a product of Centuries of inbreeding.

   ever take a poop so big your pants fit better!

   I like hearing how actors shouldn't have political opinions from people who worship Ronald Reagan.

   If you are ever invited to anyone's Emotional Amusement Park, always aviod their Roller Coaster of Stupid Mistakes and ask them to meet you at the Carousel of Common Sense.

   Why do olives come in tall jars?So the Italians will have a place to keep their combs.

   What do Amish people and homeless people have in common? They can't read this.

   Anybody else having trouble finding a Tebow jersey small enough to fit on their light-up baby Jesus?

   we have chosen death over life, hatred over peace, arguments over understanding, conflict over family, etc. We are our own worse enemy endangered species!! Sad but true ain't nothing gonna change until dig within self and accept God "within"...

   There's no way I could possibly be lactose intolerrant!! I love B( o )( o )BS!!!