Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My biggest fear is meeting my soulmate in Arkansas and finding out she's a product of Centuries of inbreeding.

   ever take a poop so big your pants fit better!

   I like hearing how actors shouldn't have political opinions from people who worship Ronald Reagan.

   If you are ever invited to anyone's Emotional Amusement Park, always aviod their Roller Coaster of Stupid Mistakes and ask them to meet you at the Carousel of Common Sense.

   Why do olives come in tall jars?So the Italians will have a place to keep their combs.

   What do Amish people and homeless people have in common? They can't read this.

   Anybody else having trouble finding a Tebow jersey small enough to fit on their light-up baby Jesus?

   we have chosen death over life, hatred over peace, arguments over understanding, conflict over family, etc. We are our own worse enemy endangered species!! Sad but true ain't nothing gonna change until dig within self and accept God "within"...

   There's no way I could possibly be lactose intolerrant!! I love B( o )( o )BS!!!

   I just asked my buddy who's lived in Texas on a farm his whole life how many sexual partners he's been with. Strangely enough he started counting and fell asleep. O.o

   The deleted scene from Home Alone 2 was Trump talking to Kevin Mcallister and asking him to find dirt on Joe Biden.

   Women love taking showers in boiling hot water, because it reminds them of hell, where they come from ...

   You suddenly realize that you're all grown up that moment when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kicking it under the fridge.

   Jobs, jobs jobs. Trump won't stop until every American can afford to hire a Russian call girl to pee on them.

   I always sit backwards on the toilet...got to have a place to sit my cereal!!! most important meal of the day ya know.

   Here's the deal... No matter what state you're in, if you want Meth, find the nearest trailer park.

   enough with the gun control debate already. Just make guns illegal and there will never be another problem again. Just like all the other things they made illegal and you never hear about again. Like, murder, rape, kidnappings, drugs. etc.......

   Hoppy Easter Everybunny

   Why does a good Christian fear death and why do we mourn the dead, if they are going to a much better place?

   hates your extended network.