Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   B&tch, why the fu&k you coming over if you on your period? Save your gas!

   How does a Kardashian change a light bulb? They buy a new mansion.

   Paris Jackson attempts suicide... Didn't see that one coming.

   Damn this brotha is BLACK! Looking like 2:15 in the damn morning!

   My daughter just told me when she grows up she wants to live in Kentucky and grow a whole field of ham... My God.

   Unless you have health insurance and a college fund for it, owning a pet doesn't not make you a parent!!

   Soccer is a microcosm of the inhabitants of the countries who participate in it. A bunch of crazy animals running around with no objective purpose.

   You're saying, “Capital punishment shouldn't even be a debate. You deserve to be put to death if you take a life." You mean, you’ve never been wrongfully accused of doing something or the justice system is an angel.

   you know your a Packer Fan When Your Porch Collapses and it kills more than 5 dogs!!!

   Hey Obama..Can you please find my baby daddy now?! He's been hiding for years an owes me money!

   Cowboys at Eagles Sunday night. Up for Homo Romo to go down on the Eagles.

   I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.

   Drown in your blood or live in your sht

   dangerous to your health.

   ...The top ten reasons to procrastinate. 1.

   I beat up a Ninja once...True story.

   Trump has asked his senior advisors to figure out a way to combine his two favourite pastimes ... golf, and getting peed on by Russian call girls.

   So Obama likes surfing. That PROVES he's more in touch with his white side. Blacks are afraid of the water.

   '46' invites Dr. Seuss to White House breakfast; demands WH chef make a big plate of green eggs and ham.

   Parenting tip: If you beat one child with the other child you can tell the Cops that they were just fighting each other .......... You're welcome.