Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.

   It's 420. I don't even smoke weed...That's my credit score...

   A WOMAN'S FOUR FAVORITE ANIMALS:  A mink in the closet , a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an a*s  to pay for it all !

   "Cristiano Ronaldo's Spitting Mad at TV Camera after Portugal Exit".............dis shows what a loser he is ..............:P:P:P

   Knows the world will look up and shout “Save us!”… And he'll whisper “No.”

   A women's work is never done.especially is she asksk her husband to do it

   Out came the sun & dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!

   I think it's hilarious people have profile pics up of them from 2 yrs ago. You do not look like that anymore, hunny. lol

   How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.

   Kate Middleton has asked the Queen for advice on her marriage and the Queen said "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."

   B&tch, why the fu&k you coming over if you on your period? Save your gas!

   How does a Kardashian change a light bulb? They buy a new mansion.

   Paris Jackson attempts suicide... Didn't see that one coming.

   Damn this brotha is BLACK! Looking like 2:15 in the damn morning!

   My daughter just told me when she grows up she wants to live in Kentucky and grow a whole field of ham... My God.

   Unless you have health insurance and a college fund for it, owning a pet doesn't not make you a parent!!

   Soccer is a microcosm of the inhabitants of the countries who participate in it. A bunch of crazy animals running around with no objective purpose.

   You're saying, “Capital punishment shouldn't even be a debate. You deserve to be put to death if you take a life." You mean, you’ve never been wrongfully accused of doing something or the justice system is an angel.

   you know your a Packer Fan When Your Porch Collapses and it kills more than 5 dogs!!!

   Hey Obama..Can you please find my baby daddy now?! He's been hiding for years an owes me money!