santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   You'll know I'm your "Secret Santa" when you dont get anything!

   Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.

   When cats and dogs finally rise up against us, the first thing they'll do is strap Santa hats to our heads and take pictures.

   Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t.......

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says "Help, need ride!"

   Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.

   My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.

   A man basically goes through three phases in his life... He believes in Santa Claus...He doesn't believe in Santa Claus...He is Santa Claus.

   I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

   Dear kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents love, Wikileaks

   If you can read this, chances are you won't be recieving a gift from me this Christmas. Happy Holidays!

   Last year for Christmas I got a sweater...this year I am hoping for a moaner or screamer.

   so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!

   Someone could get rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights. Grrr....

   Nothing like a dysfunctional family trying to function for the Holidays.

   In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

   tried to mail you something cute for christmas but the postoffice took the stamp off my butt and asked me to leave...

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.