Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
←Rate | 08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea Comments (2)  


   messageicon For $5 you can either get your girl approximately 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE costco rotisserie chicken. that’s all I'm sayin. the choice is yours
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've reached the age where I meet a person I would consider "older" and then find out they're the same age as me.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 20:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
←Rate | 05-22-2017 07:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t adopt a puppy to see if you’re ready for kids. Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don’t go anywhere.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After six months of listening to people talk with masks on, I finally understand what Charlie Brown’s teacher was saying
←Rate | 09-12-2020 20:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elevator music bothers me on many levels
←Rate | 10-18-2017 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  


   messageicon The problem with this country is that too many people say they want Justice when they really want Revenge.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.
←Rate | 08-20-2017 09:27 by Markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again
←Rate | 08-17-2020 16:33 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: welcome to my man cave. PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling it that.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My concerns with anything having to do with the Royal Family ended in 1776.
←Rate | 01-15-2020 16:50 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you put the words "Let's see who reads this" at the beginning of your post it virtually guarantees that I won't.
←Rate | 08-08-2018 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  




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