Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...
←Rate | 06-18-2020 13:05 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with this country is that too many people say they want Justice when they really want Revenge.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
←Rate | 07-11-2018 08:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:12 Comments (2)  


   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.
←Rate | 03-19-2020 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too many of environmentally friendly philosophers in the world and not enough people willing to bend over to pick up a piece of garbage.
←Rate | 02-22-2019 21:43 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon People say "If you want loyalty, get a dog," but my dog would abandon me in a dark alley for a pizza crust, so maybe loyalty has layers.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 06:40 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 05:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm great at spelling bees. But hopless at spelling other words."
←Rate | 08-15-2018 20:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've heard a lot about Karen lately but what about Felicia. Did she finally leave?
←Rate | 07-30-2020 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: sorry mom, called you by accident.. Mom: no worries, had you by accident.
←Rate | 11-22-2019 05:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tossed and turned so much last night that I woke up with an ab.
←Rate | 02-19-2020 09:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
←Rate | 02-28-2020 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Irony of the old saying, "I wouldn't touch you with a 6 foot pole".
←Rate | 03-30-2020 13:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are driving alone in your car with a face mask on... Stay home... Even after this is over...
←Rate | 04-20-2020 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything I need to know in life I learned in First Grade... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
←Rate | 06-05-2020 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are all the non essential oils out of work now?.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that in the long run sex for free will cost a lot more.
←Rate | 06-10-2020 09:09 Comments (0)  




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