Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hey kids, try the real Tide challenge. Get off your butt and wash your own clothes and fold them.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 00:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wildlife Fact: In the wild, otters can go for days without checking their phones
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it my illegal logging operation is a success.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my defense, my wife's text asking me to "drop a load in the washing machine" was confusing.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I hate seeing you like this. Coworker: Like how? Me: In person
←Rate | 06-05-2018 02:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't go jogging in the morning because would just end up splashing coffee everywhere.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything after working in I.T. for twenty five years it's that Dilbert is not a comic strip. It's a documentary.
←Rate | 08-28-2018 07:11 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A new study says that a lot of people on social media today will believe anything that starts out by saying a new study says.
←Rate | 10-02-2018 16:04 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've reached the age where I meet a person I would consider "older" and then find out they're the same age as me.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone just told me I wasn’t as dumb as I looked and now I’m confused, was it an insult or a compliment?
←Rate | 11-09-2018 09:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear future musicians of the world. Just because you can push a button with a drum sound does NOT make you a musician. People used to actually play their instruments.
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys, please recycle. We wanna leave a better world for Betty White and Keith Richards when we’re gone.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've always wanted to lay naked on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace. Unfortunately, Cracker Barrel has a policy against this.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 10:13 Comments (0)  




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