Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   troubled by the thought of being not able to write a sensible status message

   get's the feeling that whenever Sarah Palin sees a Pro-Sarah bumper sticker, she rolls down the window, goes "WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP!!!!" and generally makes a fool of herself.

   if you read the Bible backwards Jesus is crucified, develops a large following, and then a lot of horrible things happen to people. Oh wait that happened after the bible too...

   We buried our grandad with his exercise bike – he’s spinning in his grave.

   Law of Karma operates for nations as much as it does for individuals. Look at the devastation caused by floods in Pakistan. Divine punishment ?

   Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This dumbass put my cape on backwards"

   "Oh, you smoke cigarettes? Don't bother, I'll take myself to the friendzone."

   They tried to send Amy Winehouse to the coroner but she said no, no, no. Just kidding, she's dead and didn't say anything.

   Just found out my GF is pregnant. 50 likes and we keep it.

   I agree with my orange messiah. Terminate the constitution!

   Thank God I'm an Atheist.

   I love to run my finger up the outline of a womans camel toe.

   nobody. NOBODY is perfect. Therefore X is perfect.

   I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?

   not responding

   Take a look at trending topics and you'll realize why they have to write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.

   heard that Christmas is being cancelled! Santa was beaten up by three black women after he walked down the street saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

   Dear Obama: a little diaper logic for you. If it stinks, change it....but you aren't supposed to replace it with another sh*tty one!!!

   Remember when Ronald Reagan was president, we also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash still with us. Now we have Obama but no Hope and no Cash

   Clinton ruined a dress Obama ruined a nation!